Born on this day!! Comedian Johnny Brown (“Laugh-In”) is 82. Singer Joey Dee of Joey Dee and the Starliters is 79. Actor Roscoe Orman (“Sesame Street”) is 75. Actress Adrienne Barbeau (“Maude”) is 74. Drummer Frank Beard of ZZ Top is 70. Singer Donnie Van Zant of .38 Special and of Van Zant is 67. Actor Peter Bergman (“The Young and the Restless”) is 66. Actor Hugh Laurie (“House”) is 60. Talk-show host Dr. Mehmet Oz (“The Dr. Oz Show”) is 59. Singer Gioia Bruno of Expose is 56. Bassist Dan Lavery of Tonic is 53. Country singer Bruce Robison is 53. Actor Peter Dinklage (“Game of Thrones”) is 50. Bassist Smilin’ Jay McDowell (BR5-49) is 50. Actor Lenny Jacobson (“Nurse Jackie”) is 45. Bassist Tai Anderson of Third Day is 43. Actor Joshua Jackson (“Fringe,” ”Dawson’s Creek”) is 41. Actor Shia LaBeouf is 33.
THIS DAY IN GENIUS HISTORY
1509 – King Henry VIII married his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
1770 – Capt. James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off Australia .
1919 – Sir Barton won the Belmont Stakes, becoming the first horse to capture the Triple Crown.
1963 – Vivian Malone and James Hood successfully enrolled at the University of Alabama following Gov. George Wallace’s famous “stand in the schoolhouse door.”
1977 – Seattle Slew won the Belmont Stakes, capturing the Triple Crown.
2001 – Timothy McVeigh, the 1995 Oklahoma City bomber, was executed.
Today Is: Corn on the Cob Day, National Cotton Candy Day, National Making Life Beautiful Day, World Pet Memorial Day, Call Your Doctor Day
TODAY ON TV!
Primetime TV (All Times Eastern)
CBS – 8:00 – NCIS / 9:00 – FBI / 10:00 – Blood and Treasure
NBC – 8:00 – America’s Got Talent / 10:00 – Songland
ABC – 8:00 – The Bachelorette / 10:00 – Press Your Luck
FOX – 8:00 – 911
CW – 8:00 – The Flash / 9:00 – The 100
Late Night Shows and TV Talk Show Guests
Jimmy Kimmel: Sophie Turner, James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Fassbender, Jessica Chastain, Nicholas Hoult, Tye Sheridan, Andy Ruiz Jr., Aloe Blacc (R 6/4/19)
Jimmy Fallon: Selena Gomez, Elaine Welteroth, GoldLink featuring Maleek Berry
Stephen Colbert: Tim McGraw, Jon Meacham, Tessa Thompson, Jessie Reyez featuring 6lack
Seth Meyers: Rachel Maddow, Julio Torres, Ana Fabrega, Fred Armisen
James Corden: Mindy Kaling, Adam Scott
Carson Daly: Lance Reddick, Mattiel, Mike Moh (R 5/16/19)
Daily Show: Kwame Onwuachi
Conan: Seth Green
Watch What Happens Live: Denise Richards, Kyle Richards
The View: Tim McGraw, Jon Meacham, Elaine Welteroth
The Talk: Guest co-host Vanessa Williams
Live with Kelly and Ryan: Samuel L. Jackson, Juan Archuleta
Ellen DeGeneres: Howie Mandel, Dr. Dean Ornish
Wendy Williams: Gary Owen (R 4/17/19)
The Real: Amanda Seales, Orlando Jones (R 3/19/19)
1 – Secret Life Of Pets 2 – $47.1 Million
2 – Dark Phoenix – $33 Million
3 – Godzilla – $24.5 Million
*Genius Source: www.boxofficemojo.com
New Movies Opening This Week
Men in Black International – The Men in Black have always protected the Earth from the scum of the universe. In this new adventure, they tackle their biggest threat to date: a mole in the Men in Black organization. Tessa Thompson, Chris Hemsworth, Rebecca Ferguson, Emma Thompson
Shaft (2019) – John Shaft Jr., a cyber security expert with a degree from MIT, enlists his family’s help to uncover the truth behind his best friend’s untimely death. Samuel L. Jackson, Alexandra Shipp, Avan Jogia, Regina Hall
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT? Here are today’s PPM-Friendly Topics!
QUESTION: Think YOU had the worst TINDER date EVER??? Check these out.. from a mom held at gunpoint.. to a serial killer using the app to find victims!!
QUESTION: Looking for a NEW LOVE??? Get ready, because you’ll probably wind up with someone JUST LIKE YOUR EX!!! A study finds that we really do have a “type!”
QUESTION: Are you SERIOUS?? Are women really VACUUMING THEIR VAGINAS??? Yes, to make their periods go faster…. and they are seriously harming themselves!!
QUESTION: Do you know any “birth strikers??” They are pledging NOT TO HAVE BABIES… Because… of the “climate crisis!!!!” Do you agree… or not agree??? And why???????
QUESTION: Does BOND look like he’s ready for a MISSION?? Daniel Craig is seen wearing a boot as people wonder whether BOND IS BROKEN!!! Is 007 cursed???
Filmmaker Kevin Smith is offering Justin Bieber advice after he challenged action Tom Cruise to a UFC fight. “I wanna challenge Tom Cruise to fight in the octagon. Tom if you dont take this fight your scared and you will never live it down. Who is willing to put on the fight?” Bieber tweeted Sunday night. Smith has thoughts. “You wanna control Cruise in this match? 1) Don’t fight him on a couch: he can be bouncy. 2) Make sure you’re fighting the actual Tom Cruise, because he’s king of impossible rubber mask reveals. 3) If he slides into the Octagon in Wayfarers and undies, go for his parents’ Porsche,” Smith posted on his Twitter account.
********If they fight, there will be two hits: Tom hits Justin, Justin hits the floor!!!
****Seriously(?), who do you think will win?? The Vegas oddsmakers already have Tom as a heavy favorite!!
*****Tom is 5’7″ and 170 pounds. That means he’s stacked with muscle!! Justin wouldn’t stand a chance!!!
*****Is Justin “cruisin’ for a bruisin’??”
*****Justin is young! He’s still at that stage where his balls are bigger than his brains!! (can you say that?)
Wendy Williams was overcome with emotion while talking about her situation with estranged husband Kevin Hunter. On Sunday night, a photographer caught up with her as she was leaving LA’s Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles with the mystery man she recently posted a photo of on Instagram, asking how she and her family were doing in the wake of the divorce and her son’s arrest. “Young Kevin and I are fine,” Williams said in the video, which was obtained by TMZ. “Big [Kevin], God speed. Sometimes in life stuff happens and it’s OK. I still got a very full life that I really adore. Please don’t make me cry.” Despite her best efforts, she began to sob as she continued to reflect on her broken marriage. “I didn’t plan on this but it is what it is … I have a very full life,” she continued, as tears flowed down her face. “Thank you for watching. I would ask you to respect our privacy, but please, I don’t respect people’s privacy that’s why I do [the segment] ‘Hot Topics’ … all three of us are doing fine.” She also vaguely referenced her son’s alleged assault against his father and said they’ll be fine. “They’re not apart,” she said. “You know stuff happens in life.”
**********She was crying because the chicken and waffles at Roscoe’s are THAT GOOD!!!
*******They’ve run a DNA test on the boy… and she’s NOT the mother!!!
*******She was so upset she could barely talk to the paparazzi!!!
Britney Spears says paparazzi are trying to make her look less fit. She was spotted on a jet ski with boyfriend Sam Asghari in Miami. Photos from the agency MEGA captured Spears during her beach vacation, and she apparently felt the shots were less than flattering. In a video she posted to her Instagram Stories on Sunday, Spears, wearing a pink bikini top similar to the ones in the photos, said, “A lot of fans, in our world today, they always are subject to really criticize people and say that the pictures and videos that they’re posting are either not on time or they’re fake. But no one ever really asks, ‘Are the paparazzi pictures fake, and do the paparazzi people do stuff to the pictures, and is the news really real?’ It’s a conspiracy theory that I’m actually interested in.” “Yesterday, I went swimming. I look like I’m 40 pounds bigger than I am today,” she lamented. “This is how I am right now, and I’m skinny as a needle. You tell me, what is real?” MEGA responded to Spears’ allegations in a statement to Page Six. “We think Britney looks great and it’s ludicrous to suggest the photos or video were altered in any way,” a rep for the agency said. “They were not. We shot thousands of photos of her over the weekend and are very happy to let her see the original files if she so wishes. It was good to see her happy and having fun and we wish her well.”
*******It was FAKE NEWS??? Finally, Britney is on board!!!
******They’ve been making Trump’s ass look fat for three years!!!
*******If she thinks SHE’S got it bad, look at the shots of Wendy Williams!!! Yikes!!
Gwyneth Paltrow revealed that she and her husband, Brad Falchuk, don’t live together. In a reveal reminiscent of the star’s “conscious uncoupling” statement about her past divorce, she revealed that her marriage has followed an unconventional track since the duo tied the knot in September. She revealed that she and Falchuk don’t share a single home together full time. Instead, he stays with her on nights and weekends before going back to his own place to spend the rest of his time. She explained that dividing the space has been healthy for their relationship and even noted that her married friends say “the way we live sounds ideal.” She claims her intimacy teacher, Micaela Boehm, approves of the odd living arrangement for a married couple as well. She allegedly says it helps increase “polarity” in a long-term relationship, according to Yahoo Lifestyle.
*****This may be the only way she can keep a husband!!!
*****A lot of couples have separate bedrooms! (true) This is the logical next step!!!
*****She has an “intimacy teacher??” How does that work? Does she get real close and whisper in your ear???
*****Call us crazy, but we’re starting to think Gwyneth may be WEIRD!!!
“Rocketman” star Taron Egerton joined Elton John on stage in the UK during John’s Farewell Yellow Brick Road tour to perform a duet of “Your Song.” Wearing a rainbow T-shirt, Egerton stood front and center to sing the song as John joined on piano and vocals. The performance is the first time anyone has made a guest appearance during John’s tour, which kicked off last September. After the show, John wrote on Twitter, “Taron Egerton, thank you for joining me onstage tonight. We’ve shared so many moments during the filming and release of ‘Rocketman’ and singing ‘Your Song’ with you this evening is another I’ll always cherish.” See the video HERE.
*********Taron tweeted back: “Oh, it was ‘Your Song?’ I thought we were singing ‘Rocketman!’ My bad!!”
********David Furnish had better watch his back!! Elton’s getting attached to Taron!!!
********If Elton wants to tour after he retires, he doesn’t need a hologram!! Just send Taron out there!!
DJ Khaled is threatening the Billboard Chart with a lawsuit alleging they unfairly disqualified more than 100,000 sales of “Father of Asahd,” robbing him of the No. 1 spot. He was furious when his album came in at No. 2 to Tyler, the Creator’s “IGOR,” after Billboard allegedly discounted downloads sold by the DJ and producer as part of a “bundle deal” with an energy drink. Bundle deals, which offer album downloads alongside merchandise, are a standard but controversial industry practice to boost sales. We’re told Billboard had agreed it would count downloads from Khaled’s energy drink package, which sources in the artist’s camp say amounted to more than 100,000. Billboard later backtracked, disqualifying Khaled’s entire sales from the promotion, arguing there were “anomalies” in his figures. On May 30, Billboard announced Tyler debuted at No. 1 with 165,000 albums sold, with Khaled at No. 2 at 137,000. Not fair, argues Khaled’s team.
*********#1 albums used to sell 500,000 to a million!! So it’s really not a big deal anymore!! It’s all streaming now!!
******We just hope no one gets shot!!!
Ripping The Tabloids (Throughout the week, we’ll give you the stories from that weeks tabs!)
**Please Credit Publication!
Jamie Slammed For ‘Jeffersons’ Screwup!-(National Enquirer)
A “mortified” Jamie Foxx has been blasted for flubbing his portrayal of TV character George Jefferson on the recent live airing of “The Jeffersons” and “All in the Family!” “Jamie wanted to pay tribute to the iconic ‘70s shows. Instead, he looked like he didn’t even bother rehearsing!” snitched an insider. The broadcast featured Woody Harrelson, Marisa Tomei and Jamie reprising the roles made legendary by Carroll O’Connor, Jean Stapleton and Sherman Hemsley, using the original series’ scripts. “Jamie could have seen those shows a thousand times and he STILL didn’t get his lines right,” a source complained. “It’s an insult to the original shows and stars! Everyone in Hollywood believes he should have given it a better effort.”
Things You Don’t Know About Christina Hendricks-(Globe)
Bombshell Christina Hendricks wowed TV fans as ‘60s spitfire Joan Holloway on “Mad Men,” which wrapped in 2015 after seven acclaimed seasons. This summer, the 44-year-old’s vocal talents are featured in “Toy Story 4” as she brings to life villainous baby doll Gabby Gabby. Here are things you don’t know about Christina.
- Born in Tennessee, she spent her early years on farms in Oregon and Idaho. “I like milking a cow,” Christina says. “I’m quite good at it!”
- Although being a redhead is her Hollywood trademark, she’s really a natural blonde.
- She appeared in the 1997 music video “One Hit Wonder” by the rock band Everclear.
- Christina plays the accordion and admits, “I always loved that instrument. It’s so romantic, and it’s got this full, rich sound.”
- The “Conners’” Laurie Metcalf taught her how to knit, and Christina confesses she likes making cable-knit sweaters because “they look so impressive!”
Brad Pitt: He’s So Much Healthier Now-(Us Weekly)
Ever since becoming a household name as a Hollywood star, Brad’s been known for his good looks. But in April 2017, after his divorce, Brad shocked fans with his superthin appearance. The usually buff 5-foot-11 star suddenly looked gaunt and tired. But he showed a return to form while promoting his new movie overseas. At a news conference in Cannes on May 22, Brad looked healthy and full of confidence. “He seemed happy and relaxed,” an eyewitness says. “He was brimming with charisma and laughing and smiling the whole time.” That’s the Brad we know and love!
Hostile Hollywood: Amal & George Clooney-(Star)
While George and Amal’s marriage has been showing signs of trouble for a while, things spun out of control for the A-list actor, 58, and the human rights lawyer, 41, when George was hospitalized last July after crashing his motorcycle into an oncoming car on a highway in Italy. After the accident, an insider says Amal rushed to his side-but was “furious” that he’d put his life in danger. “Amal wants him to think about his kids. She told him people are always getting killed in Italy on scooters,” adds the source. “She said, ‘We got married in Italy, we have a home in Italy, I don’t want you to die in Italy!”
Rose Sends Kit To Rehab-(Life & Style)
Rose Leslie has no interest in playing a Game of Booze-which is why she sent husband Kit Harington to rehab. According to a source, the erstwhile Jon Snow, 32, is currently seeking treatment for his alcohol addiction to save his marriage to the Scottish stunner, 32. “Kit tried to keep his demons a secret from Rose, hiding bottles of alcohol around the house, but she knew,” an insider reveals of the actor, who was photographed last year stumbling into traffic in Paris and getting thrown out of NYC bars. “It’s been a long time coming. Rose gave him an ultimatum: If he didn’t go to rehab, he was going to lose her for good.”
Counting On star Jessa Duggar Seewald, 26, and husband Ben Seewald, 24, welcomed their third child, a daughter named Ivy. She joins older brothers Spurgeon, 3, and Henry, 2.
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt star Ellie Kemper, 39, confirmed she was expecting her second child with husband Michael Komer. They also have a son, James, 2.
Number of the Week-(In Touch)
80,000 – dollar cost of the diamond jewelry Cardi B bought her 10-month-old daughter, Kulture.
A prototype Honda lawnmower went from 0 mph to 100 mph in 6.29 seconds to break a Guinness World Record in Germany. The Honda Mean Machine mower, driven by stunt driver Dekra Lausitzring, averaged 6.29 seconds in two runs on a track near Dresden. The speed was measured by a VBOX on-board recording device that was set up and monitored by third-party company Timing Solutions Limited. Honda said it also had to demonstrate to Guinness that the speedy mower could still cut grass with all of its modifications.
*********You can get from one side of your yard to the other in 3.5 seconds!!!
*******We were mowing our yard at 100 mph one afternoon… at least, it seemed that way after five cups of coffee!!
*******The Helpful Honda people will help you find any fingers that get cut off!!!
Bear Caught Eating Snacks
A California bear’s snacking habits are going viral after it was caught on camera lounging atop a wall with a package of Twizzlers. The video shows the bear sitting atop a wall outside a Claremont home with one leg dangling over the side of the structure. The bear casually snacks on a package of Twizzlers as neighbors gather to gawk at the spectacle. Neighbors said the bear eventually wandered away on its own. See the video HERE.
**********It must have been watching a movie that we couldn’t see!!!!
******Hopefully , he flossed later!!!
*******”Twizzler” is the sound your cat makes if the bear gets hold of him!!!
Cat Rescued From Under Car
A New York state fire department shared video of firefighters crawling underneath a car to rescue a kitten stuck in the engine compartment. The department posted a video to Twitter showing firefighters on their backs underneath a car. The firefighters reach up into the undercarriage to extract a kitten. The department said the kitten went home with a firefighter. See pics here.
*******And they just met??? Racy!!!
******He’s safe… and he’s still got all nine lives!!!
*****If you find a cat in your grill , it’s usually too late to save ’em!!!
Robbers Use Blowtorch On ATM Machine
Authorities say two Florida burglars thought they were clever when they used a blowtorch to break into an ATM machine, but they never hit the jackpot. Instead, the burning heat actually welded the ATM’s hinges shut. Okaloosa County Sheriff’s officials say video surveillance shows two male suspects entering the Boardwalk on Okaloosa Island on Friday. One was armed with a crowbar and appeared to serve as the lookout while the other took the blowtorch to the ATM. Instead of cutting the ATM with the blowtorch, authorities say the would-be thief welded the metal parts shut and the pair left with nothing. See pics HERE.
********They may not be cut out for a life of crime!!! Or welding!!!
********We’re surprised they didn’t post a Facebook video!!!
*********Seems like your money is safer in an ATM than it is in the bank!!!
Guy Steals Cookie Money For Erotic Massage
An Oregon man has admitted stealing his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie money to pay for an erotic massage. Brian Couture pleaded guilty on Monday to initiating a false report. He was put on probation, fined $100 and ordered to perform 80 hours of community service. He’ll also have to repay what he stole, the Washington County District Attorney’s Office said in a statement. Back in March, Couture, of Forest Grove, called 911 to report that someone had entered his home through a sliding glass door and fought with him before fleeing. Police found the home ransacked and spotted with blood. Couture told officers the assailant stole $740 of his daughter’s Girl Scout Cookie money from a jar. Later, investigators “spotted inconsistencies” in Couture’s story and the cookie caper crumbled, the DA’s statement said.
*****His daughter should save her money… she’ll need it for therapy!!!
*******Her mother is going to earn her “Divorce” badge from the Girl Scouts!!!
*******If he ever goes to jail, do NOT tell the other guys you’re in for stealing Girl Scout Cookie money!! Just trust us!!
STUFF THAT’S COOL AND VIRAL
VIDEO: RUSSIAN WOMAN SPANKING CONTEST!
VIDEO: SUPER DAD WITH FAST REFLEXES
A LIST FOR TUESDAY
20 Songs You Should Never Play During Sex
- “Star Wars” theme by John Williams
“Definitely the theme from ‘Star Wars’ being played on the tuba by your neighbor. Just as I got my girl’s pants off those iconic first few notes blared throughout my apartment building and we both exploded in laughter. The timing could not have been worse, or was the timing actually perfect? Anyway, we could not be less in the mood for sex, but for some reason we had a real hankering to watch ‘The Empire Strikes Back.’” ― Bryan Yang, a comedian and co-host of the “What’s Eating You?” podcast
- “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” by Randy Newman
“I’d have to say that the ONE song you should for sure never play during sex is the ‘Toy Story’ song ‘You’ve Got a Friend in Me.’ Although, what a way to friend zone someone in a fun and easy way!” ― Allyson Sandler, a comedian in Miami
- “Your Body Is a Wonderland” by John Mayer
“This song, by original soft-boy heartthrob John Mayer, was reportedly written about Jennifer Love Hewitt (look it up!), and it’s my favorite song to masturbate to! Unfortunately, doesn’t translate well to a sex playlist. One time this song came on shuffle just as I was about to go down on a guy and he told me to stop.” ― Jesse Roth, a comedian in New York City
- “Chop Suey” by System of a Down
“It’s an absolute mood killer, unless you’re hooking up with someone who’s goth. On top of that, it’s physically impossible not to scream along … which I’ve been told more than once is a deal breaker.” ― Max Emerson, a writer in Los Angeles
- “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong
“I’m at the age where a lot of my friends have kids but we all still think we are young enough to party like we are in college. One morning after an all night party, my husband and I woke up feeling kinky. We were in the privacy of my friend’s guestroom. We thought it was a perfectly safe room for getting down and dirty. Just as we hit our stride on the lumpy guestroom twin bed, we heard the song ‘Baby Shark’ blaring from her child’s bedroom upstairs. We thought it would stop after the first playing so we continued. Unfortunately, it became clear after 15 straight minutes, ‘Baby Shark’ was going to be the soundtrack to our now nightmarish sex.” ― Nonye Brown-West, a comedian in Boston
- Anything by Tom Waits
“At the time, my partner and I were both young and hip and in love. The playlist was an excuse to stop talking and just be alone together. Our bodies became lost in one another until Tom Waits started barking about a sailor’s pocketwatch or something. It was like he was standing in the room, oblivious to what was happening and needing someone to call him a cab.” ― Ben Harkins, a comedian in Portland, Oregon
- Justin Timberlake’s “The 20/20 Experience” album in its entirety
“He’s sexy and his music is sexy but the unedited cuts on that album are like 9 minutes long. Nothing is more demoralizing than finishing sex and you haven’t even got to song number two. Trust me.” ― Jack Comstock, a comedian in Brooklyn, New York
- “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton
“Trust me, if you trying to set a laidback and tender vibe with a date, do NOT put on the James Taylor Spotify station. It starts well, and things could be going great, but nothing grinds a sensual seduction to a halt like an acoustic slow jam about the tragic death of a child. Now I only hook up in silence.” ― Brian Rodriguez-McGovern, a comedian and writer in Los Angeles
- “If I Had $1,000,000” by the Barenaked Ladies
“Nothing says, ‘Please do not attempt to have sex with me’ like four jubilant Canadians softly crooning call-and-response dad jokes about how poor they are. And what if it does come on? Does one stop boning during the comedic banter for a chuckle? Stop to ponder if you have always really wanted a monkey? How about a nice Elephant Man reference just in time for your climax (02m18s)? No, thank you.” ― Alyssa Al-Dookhi, a comedian and writer in Philadelphia
- “ME!” by Taylor Swift
“Having sex to a Taylor Swift song is like having sex in a grocery store: it’s the weirdest, whitest thing you can do. But having sex to ‘ME!’ Is on a whole other level. It’s the Kidz Bop version of Patrick Bateman in ‘American Psycho’ and that’s a hard thought to shake in bed.” ― Kathleen Buckley, a comedian in Portland, Oregon
- “Yakety Sax” by Boots Randolph
“Some genius on the internet a few years ago discovered that this old song from ‘The Benny Hill Show’ makes anything funny. I was dating a fellow comedian and we decided to test this theory, and ourselves by putting the song randomly on our sex playlist. (OK, MY sex playlist: ‘R&B Slam Jams.’)
Unfortunately, not even a powerful HBO-level lust is enough to withstand pulling your erection out of your pants just as a saxophone lets out a brassy ‘BWWWAAAAAGGGGHH’” ― Nariko Ott, a comedian in Portland, Oregon
- “Leave (Get Out)” by JoJo
“It accidentally came on when I was in the throws of passion with my ex. She thought I was trying to give her a hint and broke up with me! Whoops. Make sure you get all break up songs off your phone if it’s on shuffle and you’re naked with someone you care about.” ― Harper-Rose Drummond, a comedian in Los Angeles
- “Who Let the Dogs Out” by Baha Men
“Easy. The worst song that could come on during sex is obviously ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’ by the Baha Men.” ― Courtney Maginnis, a comedian in Brooklyn, New York
- “The Star-Spangled Banner”
“No matter how horny you are for America, playing the national anthem during sex is simply not the move. ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ is only appropriate during foreplay, and should ideally be performed live by a professional singer, as at a baseball game.” ― Sarah Lazarus, a comedian in Brooklyn, New York
- “Amazing Grace”
“My wife and I are Christians. We went through a really holy phase and wanted to honor God in the bedroom. Christian gospel music seemed like the most logical thing to do … it wasn’t. You ever tried doggystyle to ‘Amazing Grace’? Kirk Franklin’s ‘Stomp’ song I couldn’t keep up with. So I would stay away from gospel and Christian rock music while doing the nasty.” ― Michael Brooks, a comedian in Philadelphia
- “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus
“The chorus is about riding a horse?! I’m still not sure if it’s a literal meaning or what. If someone put that on during sex, it would be like, why are we listening to this? Am I the horse in this scenario? Or is he the horse?! Also, why is this guy so into his horse? What kind of ‘riding’ is this guy doing to his horse?! Now I’m all concerned about this poor horse and out of the game. I probably have a really confusing look on my face, maybe queefed without paying attention. IT’S ALL BAD.” ― Mara Marek, a comedian and host of “The Happy Never After Podcast”
- “MMMBop” by Hanson
“While ‘MMMBop’ is a certified banger, under no circumstances should you put it on while you’re banging. At first glance, you’d think sure, it’s upbeat, it’s fun, it could definitely hold its own in the bone-zone playlist rotation. Maybe you even put it on as a joke and laugh together in a truly intimate moment. This is a trap.
If you actually listen to the lyrics, you’ll quickly realize that ‘MMMBop’ is nothing more than a list of humanity’s failings and how true love in any of its forms is a lie. The first lyrics of ‘MMMBop’ are ‘You have so many relationships in this life, only one or two will last.’ One or two. Out of the dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people you will connect with throughout your entire life, one or two will stick by you. Having said that, I do fully endorse yelling ‘MMMBOP BA DU BA DOP!!’ when you orgasm. That’s objectively funny.” — Samantha Berkman, producer & creator of “CAMP: A Comedy Show”
- “As Long As You’re Mine” from Wicked
“Anything from a Broadway musical is bad. In an effort to be my *true* self, I once added a song from Wicked to my slow jams playlist. It came on while hooking up with someone, and *I* was very into it, but their confused reaction told me I should pretend it was an accident. I guess I’m the only one who gets off on that Elphaba/Fiyero heat.” ― Tessa Orzech, a comedian in Chicago
“I recently had relations with a gooorgeous guy who wanted to give me a sensual massage, for which he had chosen a 50-minute piano version of ‘Greensleeves’ as soundtrack. The choice, we’ll all agree, revealed him to be an absolute psychopath, and while I had this thought in real time, I persevered because he was gorgeous and so I was fine with him killing me. He did not kill me (YAY).” ―Neil D’Astolfo, an actor-writer in New York City
- “Love on Top” by Beyoncé
“Not gonna lie, I hate being on top. I have bad knees (I’m 27, I don’t get it either) and I never know if I’m doing the bounce thing right, so I always get in my own head. Am I alone in this? Sound off in the comments. No ‘Love on Top’ for me, but I would have sex to the song ‘Love in Missionary, Lights Off, T-Shirts On, Done in 7 Minutes.’” ― Maddy Smith, a comedian in Brooklyn, New York
The preceding material was compiled and edited by Brandon Castillo. The Editor-In-Chief is Gary Bryan. The Radio Genius Show Prep Service is licensed for use on-air only by subscribing radio stations. Other means of redistribution is forbidden.
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