Born on this day!! Jazz bassist Ron Carter is 83. Singer Peggy Santiglia Davison of The Angels is 76. Actor Richard Jenkins (“The Shape of Water”) is 73. Country singer Stella Parton is 71. Actor-turned-minister Hilly Hicks (“Roots”) is 70. Bassist Darryl Hunt of The Pogues is 70. Singer Jackie Jackson of The Jacksons is 69. Singer-actress Pia Zadora is 68. Singer Oleta Adams is 67. Country singer Randy Travis is 61. Actress Mary McDonough (“The Waltons”) is 59. Comedian Ana Gasteyer (“Saturday Night Live”) is 53. Actor Will Arnett (“Arrested Development,” ″Blades of Glory”) is 50. Bassist Mike Dirnt of Green Day is 48. Contemporary Christian singer Chris Tomlin is 48. TV personality Kimora Lee Simmons is 45. Sports reporter and TV personality Erin Andrews is 42. Singer Lance Bass (‘N Sync) is 41. Actress Ruth Negga (“Loving”) is 39. Rapper Jidenna is 35. Actor Alexander Gould (“Weeds,” “Finding Nemo”) is 26. Country singer RaeLynn is 26. Actress Amara Miller (“The Descendants”) is 20.
THIS DAY IN GENIUS HISTORY
1626 – Peter Minuit landed in Manhattan, which he later bought for $24 worth of cloth and brass buttons.
1886 – The Haymarket Square riot broke out as a result of a labor demonstration.
1932 – Public Enemy Number One, Al Capone, was jailed for tax evasion.
1959 – The first Grammy Awards were held.
1961 – Civil rights activists, called “freedom riders,” left Washington, DC for New Orleans.
1970 – Four Kent State University students were shot down by National Guard members during an anti-Vietnam War demonstration.
1998 – The Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, was sentenced to four life terms plus 30 years for his series of bombings that killed three and injured 23.
Today Is: Bird Day, Intergalactic Star Wars Day, International Firefighters Day, International Respect for Chickens Day, International Sauvignon Blanc Day, Melanoma Monday, Petite and Proud Day, World Give Day
TODAY ON TV!
Primetime TV (All Times Eastern)
CBS – 8:00 – The Neighborhood / 8:30 – The Neighborhood / 9:00 – All Rise / 10:00 – Bull
NBC – 8:00 – The Voice / 10:00 – Songland
ABC – 8:00 – The Bachelor: Listen To Your Heart / 10:00 – The Baker and the Beauty
FOX – 8:00 – 911 / 9:00 – 911 Lone Star
CW – 8:00 – Whose Line / 8:30 – Whose Line / 9:00 – Roswell New Mexico
TV Talk Shows
Jimmy Fallon: Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, Evan Rachel Wood, Annie Lennox
Seth Meyers: TBA
Watch What Happens Live: Adam Glick, Jenna MacGillivray
Live with Kelly and Ryan: Mandy Moore
Ellen DeGeneres: Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade, Brooke Baldwin
The Real: Karlie Redd, Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche
Kelly Clarkson: A new Message From Montana, repeat segments with Elisabeth Moss, Thomas Sadoski (R 2/27/20)
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT? Here are today’s PPM-Friendly Topics!
QUESTION: Why do some people see OPPORTUNITY in a crisis?? The latest trend in PORCH PIRATES are women wearing NURSE’S SCRUBS!!! (They’ll fry in hell)
QUESTION: Is it “STAY SAFE OR WE’LL KILL YOU??” NY cops take down a social distancing offender with CLUBS AND A TASER!! (Excessive force?)
QUESTION: Why did Madonna BREAK social-distancing, go to a birthday party with a COVID CAKE, and HUG THE BIRTHDAY BOY? She’s got ANTIBODIES!
QUESTION: WHAT??? You can’t even PET YOUR DOG?? The CDC announced last week that “social-distancing rules” even apply to PETS!!!!! (NOW it’s bad!!!!)
QUESTION: Wanna see how a SCAM IS SUPPOSED TO BE WORKED? These dudes got an interview with Carole Baskin by posing as FALLON’S producers!!
Ben Affleck’s Relationship Instagram Official
Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas are making their relationship Instagram official. She shared photos with Affleck while celebrating her 32nd birthday with him. In a slideshow, de Armas posted pictures that showed her and Affleck enjoying a meal and cake in a desert location and Affleck embracing her around the waist. “Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes and love! Cheers to another great year,” she captioned the post. De Armas also shared a video of herself hitting a star-shaped piñata. Affleck can be heard cheering her on in the background. “I love it!” the actor says. “Más! Más!” They were first linked in March after they were spotted in de Armas’ hometown of Havana, Cuba. The couple met on the set of the upcoming film Deep Water. Entertainment Tonight reported this month that Affleck and de Armas have been self-isolating together amid the coronavirus pandemic.
********It’s called “isolation with benefits!!
“*****Or… “an isolation vacation with fornication!!”
*******We hope the lockdown is over soon!! These poor kids have to get back to WORK!!!
*******Isolation doesn’t seem so bad when you’re with a Bond babe!!
Joe Pantoliano Hit By Car
Actor Joe Pantoliano was struck by a vehicle while out for a stroll on Friday and was taken to a Connecticut hospital. Later Friday evening, Pantoliano’s wife, Nancy, told TMZ that he was recovering at home after suffering “a severe head injury and some chest trauma.” Photos posted showed him with a nasty, stitched-up cut on the left side of his head but he was smiling and giving the “thumbs up” sign. Nancy said the popular “Joey Pants” was walking with the family in their neighborhood when a Porsche was allegedly T-boned by another car and sent across the road where Pantoliano was walking, hitting him. Nancy said that he was sent airborne a couple of feet backward where he crashed into an old wooden fence and got a gash to his head, along with injuries to his left leg and shoulder. Paramedics are said to have arrived quickly and rushed him to a nearby hospital.
****This isn’t the worst thing that ever happened to him!! Remember when they cut his head off in the Sopranos?? This was nothing compared to that!!
******The driver of the Porsche was later found face down in a Jersey swamp!!
Ellen’s Former Bodyguard Dishes The Dirt
A former bodyguard who was assigned to protect Ellen DeGeneres during her hosting gig at the 2014 Oscars tells Fox News that he can attest to the recent allegations made by others about her unfriendly and selfish demeanor. Tom Majercak says that, during his 10-year stint as a senior manager of operations for Security Imagery Specialists, he was selected to serve as DeGeneres’ executive protector at the 86th Academy Awards. The opportunity meant he’d be escorting DeGeneres, her mother, and her partner, Portia De Rossi, throughout the night from the red carpet to the Dolby Theatre and the glamorous post-ceremony Governor’s Ball. “I’m holding their hands and walking them through individuals and large groups of people. Ellen is the one person that I’ve been assigned to — and I’ve been assigned to quite a few celebrities — that has never taken the time to say hi to me,” Majercak claimed. He said he spent “a lot of time” with De Rossi, who was “very pleasant and carried on a conversation.” “It started going negatively when she introduced me to Ellen and Ellen pretty much just gave me a side glance out of her eye and didn’t even say ‘hello,’ or ‘thank you for protecting my mother, my wife and me,'” Majercak continued. “It was very cold and it was very sly and it was actually kind of demeaning in the way that she treats people other than those who are in her circle.” He stood closely to DeGeneres at her table at the Governor’s Ball. She was chatting with celebrities who she previously pre-approved to come to her table, he said.
******So THAT’S how you become America’s most beloved talk show host!!
******This is why Hitler’s daytime talk show never got off the ground. He was just too nice to the little people!!
*******There’s something in Ellen’s eyes that just says, “Wave off, Maverick!!”
Madonna Claims To Have Coronavirus Antibodies
Madonna has revealed that she tested positive for coronavirus antibodies. She made the announcement in her “quarantine diary” series on Instagram, which involves her posting videos of herself in a dark room as she narrates out loud what she’s typing on a typewriter. “Took a test the other day. I found out that I have the antibodies so tomorrow, I’m just going to go for a long drive in the car and I’m going to roll down the window and I’m going to breathe in, I’m going to breathe in the COVID-19 air,” Madonna says aloud in the clip captioned “Quarantine Diary #14.” The update seemed to provide some relief for her, who used the hashtags #stayhome #staysane. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it is unclear if testing positive for coronavirus antibodies can provide immunity from becoming infected again. A positive test result shows that a person’s antibodies likely resulted in “an infection with SARS-Cov-2 or possibly a related coronavirus.”
*****She does have the antibodies… she bought them from one of her maids!!
*******If Madonna’s not dead yet, nothing can kill her!!!
*******Madonna wants everyone to stay at home… except for the people delivering everything she needs and waiting on her hand and foot!!
Eminem Faces Home Intruder
Eminem confronted a home intruder who managed to slip past his security gate at the rear of the property, according to a new report. Per TMZ, Matthew David Hughes allegedly broke a window leading into the kitchen with a paving stone and made his way into the gated-community residence owned by Eminem, whose real name is Marshall Mathers. Hughes reportedly triggered the alarm around 4 a.m. local time — and Eminem discovered Hughes in his living room. However, despite the break-in, the alleged culprit reportedly didn’t go to steal anything, instead, he wanted a face-to-face with the rapper. What’s more, is upon tripping the home’s alarm system, Hughes also reportedly alerted nearby guards who quickly descended on the home and detained the alleged unwanted houseguest until law enforcement arrived on the scene, per TMZ. Meanwhile, a representative for Eminem says that it was actually Mathers himself who detained Hughes until the police showed up.
*******He mesmerized him with his rap skills, paralyzing him on the spot!!
TIP: When designing a security system, make sure it covers the rear of the building as well!!
Meghan Markle To Give Goop Competition
A royal insider claimed that Meghan Markle is going to relaunch her formerly successful lifestyle blog The Tig, which will compete with the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop. “I think Meghan is going to have another Instagram,” Royal expert Myka Meier told the Royally Obsessed podcast last week. “I think she’s going to do a Goop, like a new version of The Tig … I really think that’s coming. “I have a friend with a little bit of insider knowledge, and I think she’s already working on something,” Meier continued. “I think we will be seeing something very interesting and creative with masterminds from all over the world coming together to bring something inspiring soon.” The Tig, which Markle shut down in 2017 before marrying Harry, covered all things fashion, beauty, food and travel — and was very similar to Goop. Markel, like Paltrow, could rake in millions from the relaunched brand, which would help with her and Harry’s finances.
*******The letters “TIG” stand for “Trivial, Insolent and Grandiose!!”
*****Maybe she’ll market a Royal Vagina Steamer!!
******It’ll be hard to match Gwyneth for shallowness and condescension, but Meghan can do it!!!
Ripping The Tabloids (Throughout the week, we’ll give you the stories from that weeks tabs!)
**Please Credit Publication!
Lockdown Love For Nina & Olympian Shaun!-(National Enquirer)
New couple alert! “Vampire Diaries” hottie Nina Dobrev, 31, and Olympic champ Shaun White, 33, were first spotted bike-riding in March-now the two seem to be quarantining together! In an Instagram post, Nina talked about proper handwashing techniques at a kitchen sink while her pro snowboarder beau’s arms apparently did the washing.
Julianne’s Out Of Sight!-(Globe)
DWTS judge Julianne Hough, 31, and her Canadian-born hockey pro husband, Brooks Laich, 36, may be skating on thin ice-the troubled pair, married in 2017, aren’t living under the same roof during the pandemic! Apparently, she’s hunkering down in Tinseltown-and going for walks with other men, such as handsome British actor Ben Barnes, while hubby’s stuck in Idaho with their husky, Koda! Sounds like another tick-tockin’ time bomb!
Loose Talk-(Us Weekly)
“’You can tell Mick [Jagger] that I’m having dinner with Hugh Jackman.’”-Recalling what wife Deborra-Lee Furness once said after turning down a chance to party with the Rolling Stones legend, Hugh Jackman.
“I’ve just been trying to be a fun mom and not lose my marbles.”-On self-isolating with daughters Esmeralda, 5, and Amada, 3, Eva Mendes.
“It’s very Gryffindor behavior.”-Referring to his Harry Potter character’s house while praising a midwife for her work on the front lines, Rupert Grint.
“Never heard of her, don’t know her.”-Her response when asked about BFF Meghan Markle moving to America, Serena Williams.
Celeb Backstage Rituals-(Star)
Beyonce-
The Queen needs a moment! “I sit in my massage chair while they do my hair and makeup and I have an hour of peace, and I have a playlist that I listen to every day,” shared Bey, 38. “I say a prayer with everyone in the band, then we do a stretch.”
Reese Gets Real: My Struggle With Mental Health-(Life & Style)
Reese Witherspoon makes balancing life as a mom and mogul appear easy. But behind the scenes, she’s secretly struggled. Admitting to suffering from anxiety-and being in therapy since her teens-the actress, 44, recently revealed that she hit a new low after giving birth to daughter Ava, now 20. “I felt more depressed than I’d ever felt in my whole life. It was scary.” In sharing her postpartum battle, the Oscar winner hopes to help other women walking the line. “Reese wants people to know that there’s absolutely no shame in speaking up,” says an insider, “and getting help.”
Babies-(People)
Hope Solo, 38, the former star goalkeeper for the U.S. women’s national soccer team, and her husband, Jerramy Stevens, 40, a former NFL player, announced they welcomed twins, son Vittorio Genghis and daughter Lozen Orianna Judith, in early March. Solo thanked the incredible nurses and doctors who helped take care of our babies” in the NICU.
Rule-Breakers of the Week-(In Touch)
Stars Ignore Quarantine-
With a nation in lockdown, these celebrities were caught bending social-distancing guidelines.
Andie MacDowell-
At 62, she’s still spry! The actress shimmied under a fence after visiting a closed LA park on April 17.
Gerard Butler-
A week after LA County closed public beaches, the London Has Fallen actor, 50, was seen sunbathing on the shore near Malibu.
Mario Lopez-
“How is it fair that y’all can go to a gym to work out but us normal folks can’t?” wrote one annoyed fan when the Access Hollywood host, 46, posted a workout video on March 26.
STUPID NEWS
Bees Set Off Security Cameras
An Arizona family who had dozens of alerts from their front door security camera overnight discovered the cause was a giant swarm of bees that took over their porch. Keli Harper of Gilbert said her security camera fired off dozens of alerts overnight, leading her to check the video feed and spot the invaders — thousands of bees. “When I checked the cameras, I literally could not even see my front porch. It just seemed like there was so many — thousands of them,” Harper told KTVK-TV. Harper said the bees picked her porch as their new swarming spot. “I’m looking at an area of three feet, and it looks like a bad paint job with texture because there’s so many of them,” Harper said. She said the security camera captured the moment a surprised FedEx driver dropped off a package and sprinted for safety when he spotted the bees. See the video HERE.
********Wait! Aren’t the bees all dead?? That was the scare story a couple of years ago!!
******It’s all good, until the killer hornets take over your porch!!
*****People usually get hives when this happens!!
Loud Exotic Bird On The Loose
Residents of a California neighborhood said an exotic bird has moved into the area and is creating a lot of unwanted noise while evading capture. Neighbors in Richmond’s North & East neighborhood said the African helmeted guinea fowl has taken up residence in the area and has been causing disturbances with its loud calls. The species is native to Africa, but they are often raised on farms in the United States and elsewhere. Locals said the bird, which is believed to be the same bird that was spotted in the East Richmond Heights area a few weeks earlier, is fast moving and flies up to rooftops when pursued. Contra Costa County Animal Protective Service officers told residents there’s nothing they can do about the non-native bird unless it is injured.
*******Think about how noisy it must be in AFRICA!!
******It’s terrible when something makes people look up from their phones!!
******First the virus… now the helmeted guinea fowl. Clearly, we’re helpless in the face of nature!!
Barrel Full Of Pot Washes On Shore
Authorities in Florida said a barrel that washed up on a beach was found to be filled with about 90 pounds of marijuana. The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded Thursday to a report of a blue plastic barrel washed up in Marathon. The deputies discovered the barrel contained five plastic-covered bales of marijuana totaling about 90 pounds. The discovery was turned over to the U.S. Border Patrol.
********Sounds like a “barrel of fun!!”
****It was followed by two barrels of Ranch Doritos!!
******Floating barrels out to sea and letting them wash up on shore is not the most efficient way of smuggling pot!!
Covid-19 Bike
An Indian automobile engineer custom-built a “COVID-19 Bike” with about 5 feet of distance between its two seats. Partha Saha of Tripura said he wanted to practice safe social distancing on the road, so he custom-built an electric motorcycle with a long central chassis to keep the bike’s two riders a safe distance apart. He said the distance between the seats of the “COVID-19 Bike” is about 5 feet. Saha said he doesn’t plan to turn the bike into a commercial product, but rather use it as a tool to raise awareness of the importance of social distancing in slowing the spread of the coronavirus pandemic. The engineer said he had originally planned to use the bike to drive his daughter to school once lockdown conditions have ended, but he determined the process of making the vehicle street legal would be too cumbersome. See the video HERE.
********So far, staying at least 6 feet from our relatives has not been hard at all!!
******In America, we’re staying 6 feet apart. In India, it’s only 5 feet… because they’re smaller!!
STUFF THAT’S COOL AND VIRAL
VIDEO: GUY PROGRAMS ALEXA TO PLAY STAR WARS SOUNDS WHEN ROOMBA TURNS ON.
VIDEO: GUY GETS EPIC BOWL CUT AT HOME.
A LIST FOR MONDAY
Everything Coming To Netflix In May
Coming Soon
Blood & Water (Netflix Original)
Kenny Sebastian: The Most Interesting Person in the Room (Netflix Comedy Special)
Mystic Pop-up Bar (Netflix Original)
May 1st
All Day and a Night (Netflix Film)
Almost Happy (Netflix Original)
Get In (Netflix Film)
Go! Go! Cory Carson: The Chrissy (Netflix Family)
The Half Of It (Netflix Film)
Hollywood (Netflix Original)
Into the Night (Netflix Original)
Medici: The Magnificent Part 2 (Netflix Original)
Mrs. Serial Killer (Netflix Film)
Reckoning: Season 1 (Exclusively on Netflix)
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Back to the Future
Back to the Future Part II
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Cracked Up, The Darrell Hammond Story
Den of Thieves
For Colored Girls
Fun with Dick & Jane
I Am Divine
Jarhead
Jarhead 2: Field of Fire
Jarhead 3: The Siege
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
Masha and the Bear: Season 4
Material
Monthly Girls’ Nozaki Kun: Season 1
Sinister
Song of the Sea
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Heartbreak Kid
The Patriot
Thomas & Friends: Marvelous Machinery: A New Arrival
Thomas & Friends: Marvelous Machinery: World of Tomorrow
Thomas & Friends: Thomas and the Royal Engine
Underworld
Underworld: Evolution
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
Urban Cowboy
What a Girl Wants
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
May 4th
Arctic Dogs
May 5th
Jerry Seinfeld: 23 Hours To Kill (Netflix Comedy Special)
May 6th
Workin Moms: Season 4 (Netflix Original)
May 7th
Scissor Seven: Season 2 (Netflix Anime)
May 8th
18 regali (Netflix Film)
Chico Bon Bon: Monkey with a Tool Belt (Netflix Family)
Dead to Me: Season 2 (Netflix Original)
The Eddy (Netflix Original)
The Hollow: Season 2 (Netflix Family)
Restaurants on the Edge: Season 2 (Netflix Original)
Rust Valley Restorers: Season 2 (Netflix Original)
Valeria (Netflix Original)
May 9th
Charmed: Season 2
May 11th
Bordertown: Season 3 (Netflix Original)
Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics (Netflix Documentary)
Trial By Media (Netflix Documentary)
May 12th
True: Terrific Tales (Netflix Family)
Unbreakable Kimmiy Schmidt: Kimmy Vs the Reverend (Netflix Interactive Special)
May 13th
The Wrong Missy (Netflix Film)
May 14th
Riverdale: Season 4
May 15th
Avatar: The Last Airbender — Seasons 1 -3
Chichipatos (Netflix Original)
District 9
I Love You, Stupid (Netflix Film)
Inhuman Resources (Netflix Original)
Magic for Humans: Season 3 (Netflix Original)
She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: Season 5 (Netflix Family)
White Lines (Netflix Original)
May 16th
La reina de Indias y el conquistador (Netflix Original)
Public Enemies
United 93
May 17th
Soul Surfer
May 18th
The Big Flower Fight (Netflix Original)
Patton Oswalt: I Love Everything (Netflix Comedy Special)
Sweet Magnolias (Netflix Original)
Trumbo
May 20th
Ben Platt Live From Radio City Music Hall (Netflix Documentary)
The Flash: Season 6
Rebelion de los Godinez (Netflix Film)
May 22nd
Control Z (Netflix Original)
History 101 (Netflix Original)
Just Go With It
The Lovebirds (Netflix Film)
Selling Sunset: Season 2 (Netflix Original)
Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series Season 2 (Netflix Original)
May 23rd
Dynasty: Season 3
May 25th
Ne Zha
Norm of the North: Family Vacation
Uncut Gems
May 26th
Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (Netflix Comedy Special)
May 27th
I’m No Longer Here (Netflix Film)
The Lincoln Lawyer
May 28th
Dorohedoro (Netflix Anime)
La corazonada (Netflix Film)
May 29th
Space Force (Netflix Original)
Somebody Freed Phil: Season 3 (Netflix Documentary)
May 31st
High Strung Free Dance
The preceding material was compiled and edited by Brandon Castillo. The Editor-In-Chief is Gary Bryan. The Radio Genius Show Prep Service is licensed for use on-air only by subscribing radio stations. Other means of redistribution is forbidden.
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