Born on this day!! Singer-actor Kris Kristofferson is 85. Actor Michael Lerner is 80. Actor Klaus Maria Brandauer is 78. Journalist Brit Hume is 78. Singer Peter Asher of Peter and Gordon is 77. Singer Howard “Eddie” Kaylan of The Turtles is 74. Singer Todd Rundgren is 73. Singer Alan Osmond of The Osmonds is 72. Actor Meryl Streep is 72. Actor Lindsay Wagner (“The Bionic Woman”) is 72. Actor Graham Greene (“Dances With Wolves”) is 69. Singer Cyndi Lauper is 68. Actor Chris Lemmon is 67. Bassist Derek Forbes (Simple Minds) is 65. Bassist Garry Beers of INXS is 64. Actor Bruce Campbell (“Evil Dead,” “The Adventures of Briscoe County, Jr.”) is 63. Bassist Alan Anton of Cowboy Junkies is 62. Actor Tracy Pollan (“Family Ties”) is 61. Keyboardist Jimmy Sommerville (Bronski Beat) is 60. Singer Mike Edwards of Jesus Jones is 57. Actor Amy Brenneman is 57. Singer Steven Page (Barenaked Ladies) is 51. Actor Michael Trucco (“How I Met Your Mother,” “Battlestar Gallactica”) is 51. Actor Mary Lynn Rajskub (“24″) is 50. TV personality Carson Daly is 48. Guitarist Chris Traynor (Helmet) is 48. Actor Donald Faison (“Scrubs”) is 47. Actor Lecy Goranson (“The Connors,” “Roseanne”) is 47. Comedian Mike O’Brien (“Saturday Night Live”) is 45. TV personality Jai Rodriguez (“Queer Eye For the Straight Guy”) is 42. Actor Lindsay Ridgeway (“Boy Meets World”) is 36. Singer Dinah Jane (Fifth Harmony) is 24.
THIS DAY IN GENIUS HISTORY
1815 – Napoleon abdicated his throne for the second time after his defeat at Waterloo.
1870 – The U.S. Justice Department was created.
1874 – Dr. Andrew Still became the first to practice osteopathy.
1943 – W.E.B. DuBois became the first black member of the National Institute of Letters.
1944 – President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the G.I. Bill of Rights.
1969 – Singer-actress Judy Garland died.
1987 – Actor-dancer-singer Fred Astaire died.
2011 – Legendary Boston crime boss,James “Whitey” Bulger is found and arrested by federal authorities in Santa Monica, Calif.
Today Is: HVAC Technicians Day, National Columnists Day, Positive Media Day, Stupid Guy Thing Day, World Rainforest Day, Worldwide VW Beetle Day
TODAY ON TV!
Primetime TV (All Times Eastern)
CBS – 8:00 – NCIS / 9:00 – FBI / 10:00 – FBI: Most Wanted
NBC – 8:00 – America’s Got Talent / 10:00 – College Bowl
ABC – 8:00 – The Goldbergs / 8:30 – Home Economics / 9:00 – The Conners / 9:30 – Blackish / 10:00 – To Tell The Truth
FOX – 8:00 – LEGO Masters / 9:00 – Mental Samurai
CW – 8:00 – The Flash / 9:00 – Superman and Lois
TV Talk Shows
Jimmy Fallon: Vin Diesel, Riley Keough, Modest Mouse
Stephen Colbert: Wanda Sykes, Craig Melvin
Seth Meyers: Graham Norton, Zosia Mamet, Brandon Taylor, Kristina Schiano
James Corden: Elizabeth Olsen, Edgar Wright
Conan: TBA
Watch What Happens Live: “Below Deck Sailing Yacht” Reunion, Part 2
Live with Kelly and Ryan: Eddie Murphy, Chloë Grace Moretz, Dale Talde
Ellen DeGeneres: Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, James TW
The Real: Zonnique & Romeo Miller, DeRay Davis (R 10/20/20)
Kelly Clarkson: Rose Byrne, Fortune Feimster
Drew Barrymore: Salma Hayek, Jennifer Nettles (R 5/4/21)
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT? Here are today’s PPM-Friendly Topics!
QUESTION: Should college athletes be compensated? Legally? The Supreme Court says “yes,” which means that USC is now LEGAL!! (Salary cap???)
QUESTION: Is there really a “KARDASHIAN KURSE??” Kendall Jenner says NO!!! Why?? “The MEN need to take that responsibility!! Shocking! (Said no one)
QUESTION: Do YOU wear underwear under your PAJAMAS?? This UK writer admits that she does… then gets TROLLED by women who say she’s “punishing herself!!!!”
QUESTION: When is a bartender REALLY your best friend? When he saves you from that CREEPY DUDE who won’t leave! This FLORIDA MAN did the good deed!!!
QUESTION: She’s HOW old??? At 56, Elizabeth Hurley enjoys a little topless stay-cation as she continues to flaunt it!!! And…. you’re welcome!!!!
Piers Morgan Takes Another Jab At Meghan Markle
Piers Morgan took yet another jab at Meghan Markle while responding to criticism from a follower who seemingly alleged he was fired from ITV. Morgan has been an outspoken critic of her for many years. Most dramatically, he walked off the set of “Good Morning Britain” mid-telecast after being called out for his typically negative coverage of Markle following her explosive tell-all interview with Oprah Winfrey. Morgan would later go on to reveal that he would not return to “Good Morning Britain” because he refused to apologize for his opinion on Markle. However, that didn’t stop him from responding to a detractor on Twitter who seemingly alleged in a since-deleted tweet that Morgan was given the boot by the network rather than voluntarily left his position at the daytime chat show on principle. “ITV didn’t get rid of me,” Morgan wrote over the weekend. “I left GMB because I declined to apologize for disbelieving Princess Pinocchio.” In addition to dubbing Markle with the new nickname, Morgan noted that he still works with ITV and touted an upcoming interview with Joan Collins that aired on the network hours later. While Morgan is rarely shy about lambasting Markle, his “Princess Pinocchio” comment references the intense criticism he offered of her and Prince Harry after they made claims of racism against the royal family in their tell-all interview with Winfrey in March.
********We’re re-watching the Oprah interview to see whether her nose actually grows!!!
******Why call HER Pinocchio??? HE’S the puppet!!!
******We feel sorry for Harry!! How would you like to worked over by Meghan and Oprah?? And the mother-in-law???
********Piers is getting fan mail from Meghan’s family!!!
ARod Gets Mansion Near JLo’s!
Alex Rodriguez has moved into a Hamptons mansion just a mile from Jennifer Lopez’s home — and immediately sparked new romance rumors by being spotted with an attractive brunette. A-Rod has rented a $5 million mansion in Bridgehampton this summer while he continues to look at property to buy in Manhattan and in the Hamptons. His place is just over a mile from Lopez’s $10 million spread in Water Mill, where the former couple spent last summer with their kids. He was spotted on Friday night dining with staffers from his company A-Rod Corp at Sag Harbor restaurant Le Bilboquet. A witness said, “Alex had a long dinner on Friday with two women and his nephew Nick Silva. A very attractive brunette at his table turned some heads at the packed restaurant, with some wondering if she was Alex’s new girlfriend.”
********A female?? With A Rod?? Can he remember her name???
******We were worried that he might not find love!!!
******You might think things would be awkward when A Rod and J Lo run into each other.. but these are not normal people!!
Dave Chappelle Takes The Stage With Foo Fighters
Dave Chappelle performed a surprise cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” with the Foo Fighters at Madison Square Garden Sunday night. Clips have since gone viral across social media. Crowds cheered as he took lead vocals during the concert, which marked the venue’s first full-capacity event since the start of the pandemic in 2020. The show was only open to fully vaccinated fans, which prompted throngs of anti-lockdown protesters to demonstrate outside the arena. Naturally, a comic and a rock band might seem like an odd pairing. However, Chappelle was reportedly already in New York City for his new documentary, and couldn’t pass on the chance to collaborate with the Foo Fighters, who are slated to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame later this year. “Chappelle has transcended goat level comedy and can now do whatever the f–k he wants,” wrote one fan. “You got two of the best Daves in the universe teaming up for Creep,” wrote another in reference to Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl, who had invited Chappelle onstage. Despite the adulation, come critics couldn’t help but notice that the comedy great’s “Creep” cover was a bit off-key. “Aaaaand he butchered that song,” tweeted one detractor. “He shouldn’t even sing happy birthday. Holy hell.” See the video HERE.
*******To be fair, Chappelle never said he was a singer!!!
*******Tip for Dave: don’t take that act to the Apollo!! You may not get out alive!!
*******They say that all comedians want to be musicians.. and all musicians want to be comedians!!
Spielberg Partners With Netflix
Amblin Partners and Netflix have forged a partnership, one that will see the company headed by Steven Spielberg produce multiple new feature films for the streaming service every year. The pact gives Netflix access to one of the most legendary directors in the movie business at a time when competition in the streaming space is growing fiercer with the launch of Disney Plus, HBO Max and other challengers. The move is surprising and a sign of the major changes taking place in Hollywood, in part because Spielberg has previously been seen as something of a Netflix skeptic. In 2019, for instance, the director reportedly urged the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to bar day-and-date streaming releases from being eligible for Oscars. Sources close to the director, however, dispute that Spielberg ever tried to bar Netflix from eligibility. He later clarified his position in a statement to The New York Times, in which he denied he had tried to prevent Netflix from winning Oscars. He also reaffirmed his support for the theatrical experience, while stating, “I want people to find their entertainment in any form or fashion that suits them. Big screen, small screen — what really matters to me is a great story and everyone should have access to great stories.”
*********Thanks, you weasel!!!!
*******Wherever Spielberg goes… there always seems to be a lot of money!!!
*****Movies aren’t movies without $30 worth of popcorn and people checking their phones!!!
ARod Hangs Out With Affleck’s Ex
Alex Rodriguez was spotted hanging out with Ben Affleck’s ex Lindsay Shookus at her birthday party on Saturday, a video reveals. In the clip, Alex is seated right beside her at an intimate backyard gathering in the Hamptons as Josh Beckerman, known as the “Foodie Magician,” performs a magic routine for the “Saturday Night Live” producer’s guests. The timing of Shookus and A-Rod’s hangout sparks interest given that their respective exes Affleck and Jennifer Lopez’s rekindled romance continues to heat up. However, we’re told the pair are longtime pals and nothing more. A rep for Rodriguez said yesterday, “There is absolutely zero there,” adding, “They’ve been friends for 15 years.” The video was first posted to Beckerman’s Instagram Stories with the message, “Happy bday @shookushookus!” Shookus’ birthday is June 18. Shookus and Affleck dated off and on from 2017 to 2019.
*******First Diddy tweets a throwback picture of him and J Lo… then A Rod is scamming on Ben’s ex!! Ben is being trolled all over the place!!
*****Linday’s nickname os “Shookus the tuchus!!!!”
Ripping The Tabloids (Throughout the week, we’ll give you the stories from that weeks tabs!)
**Please Credit Publication!
Kristin: No Cut For Ex Cutler!-(National Enquirer)
Kristin Cavallari will fight to the death to keep her ex-husband, football stud Jay Cutler, from getting half of her lifestyle company. “Technically, Kristin launched her brand during their marriage, but she put in years of work to make it successful before she met Jay,” a source says. “She has the receipts to prove that she doesn’t owe him any part of it.”
Flashback! Breakfast of Champions!-(Globe)
Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald and Anthony Michael Hall are lovable high school detention losers in director John Hughes’ 1985 teenage classic “The Breakfast Club!” The five actors became known as the Brat Pack-but behind the scenes, Hughes wanted to fire Judd for bullying Molly. And Molly was supposed to play “the misfit,” but she fought against Robin Wright, Jodie Foster and Laura Dern to win the role of “the beauty!”
Angelina Jolie: Leaning On Her Ex-(Us Weekly)
Angelina Jolie has found an old friend to support her during her ugly custody battle with ex Brad Pitt-her first ex-husband, actor Jonny Miller, 48. The actress, 46, was caught visiting Miller’s cozy Brooklyn apartment on June 11, arriving with a bottle of wine and staying for three hours. “They never lost touch after their divorce,” a source says of the duo, who met on the set of the film Hackers in 1995, married in 1996, and split in 1997. The source says their relationship is currently platonic-but it wouldn’t be a surprise if that changed down the line.
GOOP’s Business Woes-(Star)
Time to say GOOP-bye? When Gwyneth Paltrow opened her first brick-and-mortar stores to purvey her luxe lifestyle line in 2017, health conscious women with lots of cash flocked to the spaces in the chic shopping areas of major cities. But sources now say the pandemic kept people home, not out dropping big bucks on $300 flip flops, $80 rose-quartz infused water bottles, sex toys and those infamous “vagina-scented” candles. “It’s been a hard year for Gwyneth,” says an insider. “She’s having to close stores in London, NYC and San Francisco, and it’s breaking her heart. She’s doing her best to keep her $250 million business afloat.”
Kanye & Irina Heat Up!-(Life & Style)
It’s on! Three months after Kimm filed for divorce, Kanye West is involved with another beautiful woman-model Irina Shayk, 35, who split from actor Bradley Cooper, 46, in 2019. The pair spent Kanye’s 44th birthday, June 8, together: They were photographed in France’s Provence region before flying back to the States on a private plane on June 9. “Kanye wanted to be the first one to move on with someone new,” says a source. “Kim heard the rumors [that emerged in May] that he was pursuing Irina, and she wasn’t surprised. Kanye loves the fashion and modeling world, so this makes complete sense. Kim has nothing against Irina.” They’ve known each other for years: Irina appeared in his 2010 “Power” video and walked in his 2012 Paris Fashion Week show. Kanye also name-checked the model in 2010’s “Christian Dior Denim Flow” lyrics.
Chatter-(People)
“I won’t betray people for money.”-Jamie Lee Curtis, on why she won’t write a tell-all.
“We jumped in headfirst and got some of the sticky bits out of the way early.”-Shailene Woodley, on meeting fiancé Aaron Rodger during quarantine.
“I didn’t want to give up my independence.”-Diane Keaton, on why she has never married.
Winner/Loser of the Week-(In Touch)
Winner-
Kate Middleton
The Duchess of Cambridge’s Hold Still is No. 1 on Amazon U.K.’s photography books best-seller list.
Loser-
Meghan Markle
The Duchess of Sussex’s debut book, The Bench, fails to top any of Amazon U.K.’s best-seller lists.
STUPID NEWS
Bear Breaks Into Car
A New Hampshire homeowner’s security camera recorded the moment a bear wandered up to a car parked in the driveway, opened the door and went inside. The footage, recorded outside a home in Thornton, shows the bear opening the car door and going inside in an apparent search for food. The Thornton Police Department said there have been multiple reports in recent days of a bear opening the doors of parked cars and rummaging around inside for food and trash. “Please remember to remove food items from your vehicles and do not leave your trash bags outside or in your trunks or truck beds,” the department said in a Facebook post. See the video HERE.
**********One of the bears went to the local Chevy dealer and asked for a test drive!!!
*******Would LOCKING your door do any good???
*******If they keep eating junk food, we’re gonna need some bear cardio classes!!!
Aquarium Accepts Very Old Ticket
A visitor to Boston’s New England Aquarium was allowed to enter the facility for free using a ticket that was issued in 1983. Rachel Carle, who is in Boston attending college, said her great-aunt gifted her two New England Aquarium tickets that had been in her wallet for nearly four decades. The tickets, issued in 1983, were known as “late gate” tickets and were issued to guests who arrived too late in the day to get the full aquarium experience and promised a free make-up visit. The aquarium stopped issuing the tickets about 25 years ago, but Carle visited the facility June 11 and staff agreed to honor the ticket she presented. “I walked up to the ticket office and explained the story of the ticket,” Carle told CNN Travel. “They took a look at the ticket, laughed, and said ‘well, it says come back any time! There’s no expiration date!'” Carle said she did not expect the aquarium to honor the 38-year-old ticket. “I didn’t know what to expect! I promised my great aunt Kit I would try; whether they honored it or not, she and I would have been glad just to see the story through. We’re so glad they honored it!”
*********Hey, do you think Disneyland would honor some of these old ride tickets??? No????
*******She had an old ticket… and got to see all-new fish!!
*****There WAS a sea tortoise who remembered her!!!!
World’s Best Dad Joke
The world’s best dad joke can be revealed after thousands of “funny” fathers battled it out in a competition that was no laughing matter. More than 2,700 dads submitted their very best – or worst – jokes in celebration of Father’s Day. #BestDadJokes was trending on Twitter as fathers battled it out to win the Aldi Mamia Best Dad Joke competition. Stand-up comedian Mark Watson was enlisted to judge the competition and picked father-of-two Austin May from Bedworth, Warwickshire, as the overall winner. His winning joke was: I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off! I said “Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?” The guy told me that the price didn’t include a driver… … so I’d spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!
Among other favorite entries were:
• Why did the man fall down the well? Because he didn’t see that well!
• What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday? “Aye Matey!”
• Someone has glued my pack of cards together – I don’t know how to deal with it.
• What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fries? Dead man wok-ing
• I was wondering why the frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger, and then it hit me
• I was stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said “could you check my balance?” – so I pushed him. His balance wasn’t that great.
• Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field!
• What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? Bison
• Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
• What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesaurus!
*******Proving that the English are just as corny as we are!!!
Couple Can’t Agree On Baby Name
A man and woman who split up before the birth of their child couldn’t agree on a name for their daughter, so they have decided to both call the little girl something different – much to everyone’s confusion. The unnamed woman revealed all in a post on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, claiming that her husband-to-be and his ex-girlfriend use different names for their daughter because they couldn’t agree on one moniker. In her post on the social media platform, the fiancée said: “My fiancé has a daughter from a previous relationship. It was a very hostile one and by the time his ex got pregnant, they were very much on the rocks. “She named the child without my fiancé’s input, naming her after her grandmother/herself and mother and using her last name. My fiancé was furious about this and wanted their child to have his last name and be named after his grandmother and a name he particularly liked. “These aren’t the names, but think the difference between Sarah Katherine Jones and Samantha Elizabeth Smith. He won the first fight in that she will eventually have his last name, but not the second. The woman goes on to say that the battle for custody of the child was pretty difficult and her partner wasn’t able to see his daughter much until she was one. The child is now almost three and her parents have split their time with her 50/50. However, to avoid going back to court to settle their issues, they decided that the little girl would have one name while at her mom’s house and another while with her dad.
*********THIS is what keeps therapists in business!!
********Divorce is really a picnic for the kids!!!!
*******Is this what they call “co-parenting???”
STUFF THAT’S COOL AND VIRAL
VIDEO: A DAY AT THE BEACH IN 1899!
VIDEO: LONGEST NAME FOR A PLACE IN THE U.S.
A LIST FOR TUESDAY
15 Mistakes People Make In Wedding Speeches
Huffington Post
Not Preparing In Advance
“When someone says ‘I’m just going to wing it’ or ‘speak from the heart,’ that often translates into a wedding speech disaster,” said Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and founder of the Protocol School of Texas. “A good speech takes thoughtful planning and practice ahead of time.”
It’s important to come prepared with at least a very clear idea of what you want to say. Set aside time to rehearse it, so you have the delivery down.
“Last-minute panic writing never yields the best material, because to surface the best material, you have to dig deeper than the easy-to-reach memories and ideas you know will go in the speech,” said Victoria Wellman, co-founder and creative director of the Oratory Laboratory. “The more time you can give yourself to start thinking about the content, the better.”
Wellman recommends jotting down thoughts and notes about your loved one and their significant other in the weeks and months leading up to the wedding. Then turn it into a first draft and go through the editing process over time. And of course, practice practice practice.
Rambling On Too Long
“Wedding speeches are often too long,” Gottsman said. “Once someone gets the floor and their initial nerves subside, they tend to ramble on and on for way too long. Keep the speech to a minimum, knowing there will be multiple people to follow your lead.”
She advised keeping your speech around five to seven minutes, though other experts suggest two to six minutes, or three to five minutes, as a solid range. As Shakespeare wrote, brevity is the soul of wit.
Be mindful of the number of speeches planned for the evening. You can also ask the couple if they have opinions on the timing and adhere to their preference.
“Be brief, be brilliant, then be gone!” said Patricia Rossi, a civility expert, keynote speaker and author of “Everyday Etiquette.”
Stealing The Spotlight
“In an attempt to be funny or clever, speakers forget that their five minutes in the limelight isn’t actually about them, it’s about the person whose wedding it is,” Wellman said. “In wedding speeches, everything the speaker says or does must be in service of the bride or groom.”
It’s an honor to speak at a loved one’s wedding, so remember, it’s not about you. Don’t only share anecdotes about a funny thing you two did together. Instead, choose stories that reveal something about the person getting married, or reflections on their relationship with their spouse.
“Likewise, it’s not interesting for the audience to hear over and over again how much you love your friend or family member,” Wellman said. “Instead, tell them something they don’t know about them, and in a way they’ve never heard it!”
Additionally, resist the urge to feel as though you need to upstage the other speakers. We’ve all cringed at that scene from “Bridesmaids.”
Getting Drunk Before Your Speech
No one wants to hear you slur your way through some meandering remarks, so save the bulk of your drinking for after your speech. You’ll have plenty of time for extra champagne and dancing later in the night.
“The speechgiver should stay sober, avoiding the temptation to imbibe generously during the cocktail hour,” said Thomas Farley, an etiquette expert and host of the “What Manners Most” podcast. “Particularly because you will likely have had very little food all day, exercise caution when drinking. You don’t want to be accused of TWI… ‘toasting while intoxicated.’”
Referencing Inside Jokes
While your wedding speech is for the married couple, it’s also for the broader audience of loved ones present at the celebration, so keep their experience in mind.
“Don’t make references to inside jokes that no one else understands,” Gottsman said. “It’s annoying to be left out of a joke, when only a few people know what you are referencing. Humor can backfire, and should be used with caution.”
Similarly, recognize the diversity of age and experience in the crowd.
“People forget that the audience for a toast goes beyond their age-group peers ― it is a cross section of generations,” said JP Reynolds, a wedding officiant, author and business communications coach. “Respect that reality.”
Ignoring The Spouse
“Keep in mind: There are two people in every couple,” said Alexandra Levine, the wedding speech ghostwriter behind The Toastess. “Your speech should not be about one person or the other, but rather, about both.”
You may feel like you don’t know your friend’s other half very well, due to living in different places or not getting the chance to spend time together during the pandemic. But it’s important to talk about your friend’s spouse and their relationship, even if just for a small part of the speech.
“This is the trickiest part of a toast ― you start off talking about ‘your’ person and need to end up toasting them as a couple,” said Reynolds, who recommended that you go beyond saying how wonderful “your person” is.
“Make the extra effort to find something to include about both parties so the speech doesn’t feel lopsided,” Levine said.
Looking Down The Whole Time
You don’t have to have your speech 100% memorized, but make sure you’re not reading every word straight from your iPhone or notecards.
“Try to look down as little as possible, because it disconnects you from the audience,” Gottsman noted.
Writing out bullet points, rather than complete blocks of text to read, can help make the speech feel more organic and off the cuff. Stick to printouts rather than electronic devices. And practice the speech many times before the big day.
“Print your speech. Do not read it off of your phone,” said Katelyn Peterson, a professional speechwriter and founder of Wedding Words. “You’ll look disengaged, and the backlight can discolor your face in photos and video. Plus, you don’t want to be distracted by that Instagram notification while you’re reading your speech.”
Not Having A Focus
“People love sharing funny stories in wedding speeches — but sometimes to a fault,” Levine said. “If you’ve been given the honor of speaking, odds are you’ve got years’ or decades’ worth of anecdotes. But including them all, or rattling off a long list of inside jokes, is a common mistake. You want to be deliberate about the material you highlight.”
She advised asking yourself: “What’s the theme of the speech, or the larger point I’m trying to make about the person or relationship?” Then, pick a couple of stories that speak to that message and practice bringing them to life in your delivery.
“The best toasts have a clear thesis,” said Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and co-host of the podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?” “First decide what you want your one single point to be, and then your toast should be entirely focused on supporting that point.”
You should also have a focus when you select and tell those specific stories.
“Every story should have a relatable character, a compelling event, and an internal shift,” Peterson said. ”Every story you tell in a wedding speech should be both entertaining and enlightening. If a story doesn’t include these essential elements, remove it from your speech. Keep your stories tight and concise for maximum impact. Include details that serve the goal of your story, and remove details that distract from that goal.”
Relentlessly Roasting The Couple
“A wedding speech should be a sentimental, heartfelt tribute to the couple as they embark on an exciting new chapter of their lives,” Farley noted. “The giver of the speech should remember that this is a toast and not a roast.”
Even if the couple asked for comedy or a light roast, don’t forget the speech is ultimately about honoring them and their relationship. And if they have children someday, their little ones may be watching your speech years later.
“This is not a time to embarrass the bride or groom,” said life etiquette expert Juliet Mitchell, aka Ms. J. “Sure, people want to get a laugh, but not at the expense of the couple feeling embarrassed. They want their wedding to be full of fond memories, not speeches they wish they could forget.”
If there’s a joke or anecdote that you’re on the fence about, stay away from it or ask a trusted friend or relative of the couple.
“Ask the bride’s mom or auntie if you could get their opinion on including that before saying it,” Mitchell suggested. “Or ask yourself: Would I want that said about me at my wedding? When in doubt, leave it out.”
Talking About Exes
When talking about the newlyweds, it’s not a good idea to reference past romances or go into the details of their relationships with exes.
“Whether the guests knew the exes or not, this is not the time to be bringing up SOs from the past,” Farley said. “By mentioning their names, the speechgiver will be dragging negative energy into the room, distracting from the relationship that won the day.”
“Read the room,” Rossi said. “This likely isn’t actually the best time to share that embarrassing anecdote about the bride from college, or mention all of the groom’s previous relationships.”
Spilling Secrets
Revelations that were made in confidence are not fodder for a wedding speech, however entertaining you may find them.
“Whether an embarrassing incident from high school days or intimate details of the newlyweds’ romantic life, if it was shared friend-to-friend on the DL, it should not be uttered for general consumption,” Farley said. “No matter how long ago the episode may have occurred, there is no statute of limitations on keeping secrets.”
Similarly, be aware of relationship dynamics and avoid stirring up drama with other people present at the celebration.
“If you know the bride or groom has a contentious relationship with parents or grandparents or other issues in their lives, stay away from that,” Mitchell said. “Don’t bring any of those relationships into the speech, especially if the other person is there too. This isn’t the time to be bringing up something that’s a sore spot or maybe the other partner doesn’t know about.”
Trying Too Hard To Make It Funny
“Know your strengths,” Leighton recommended. “Don’t try for comedy if that’s not your thing. When in doubt, always lean towards sincerity instead of humor.”
As “Wedding Crashers” taught us, it’s always better to speak from the heart than to attempt a comedy routine that doesn’t land.
Of course, you can still balance your more earnest moments with humor. It doesn’t have to be a 50-50 split, but try to weave together the comedy and the heart as best you can.
“Your speech should be like a tennis match between funny and sentimental,” Peterson said. “Bounce back and forth between playful lines and more serious messages to keep guests engaged.”
Talking About Their Future Children
Farley advised against making predictions about the children you imagine the couple will have.
“While this one may seem innocuous, phrases such as ‘I can’t wait till you have a beautiful daughter of your own’ will be hauntingly sad on the wedding video if the couple winds up struggling with infertility,” he explained. “And it presupposes the couple actually wants to have children, which they may not.”
Using Obscenities
“Avoid the temptation to use four-letter words and any other language that is not family fare,” said Farley. “Though they may garner a smattering of laughter, they may also offend ― particularly if young children or older relatives are present. Keep things ‘PG’ and avoid the temptation to go ‘R.’”
Leave the obscenities and off-color humor to more appropriate settings, like the bachelor or bachelorette party. Peterson offered an easy litmus test.
“Avoid jokes that might make the couple or their guests uncomfortable,” she said. “If you wouldn’t say something in front of your grandma, don’t include it in your wedding speech.”
Giving A Toast When You Weren’t Asked To
“Don’t give a toast if you were not specifically invited to do so,” Leighton emphasized.
Many couples would love for more of their friends and family members to make remarks during the wedding festivities, but unfortunately, there are time constraints. Understand that they had to make tough cuts and that you can share your reflections in a nice note, or ahead of the wedding at the bachelorette party or shower.
“Sometimes people do an open mic and ask if anyone wants to say something, but even then, think about whether it makes sense to do it,” Mitchell said. “Sometimes 15 people line up and it takes hours ― way too much time.”
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