Born on this day!! Singer Jerry Lee Lewis is 85. Actor Ian McShane is 78. Jazz violinist Jean-Luc Ponty is 78. TV theme composer Mike Post is 76. Actor Patricia Hodge is 74. Guitarist Mike Pinera of Iron Butterfly is 72. Singer-guitarist Mark Farner of Grand Funk Railroad is 72. TV personality Bryant Gumbel is 72. Country singer Alvin Crow is 70. Actor Drake Hogestyn (“Days of Our Lives”) is 67. Singer Suzzy Roche of The Roches is 64. Comedian Andrew “Dice” Clay is 63. Actor Roger Bart (“Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay,” ″Desperate Housewives”) is 58. Singer-bassist Les Claypool of Primus is 57. Actor Ben Miles (“The Crown”) is 54. Actor Jill Whelan (“Love Boat”) is 54. Bassist Brad Smith of Blind Melon is 52. Actor Erika Eleniak (“Baywatch”) is 51. Singer Devante Swing of Jodeci is 51. Actor Emily Lloyd is 50. Actor Natasha Gregson Wagner is 50. Actor Rachel Cronin (“Ed”) is 49. Guitarist Danick Dupelle of Emerson Drive is 47. Actor Alexis Cruz (“Shark,” “Touched by an Angel”) is 46. Actor Zachary Levi (“Chuck”) is 40. Actor Chrissy Metz (“This Is Us”) is 40. Actor Kelly McCreary (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 39. Guitarist Josh Farro (Paramore) is 33. Actor Doug Brochu (“Sonny With A Chance”) is 30. Singer and “American Idol” winner Phillip Phillips is 30. Singer Halsey is 26.
THIS DAY IN GENIUS HISTORY
1829 – Sir Robert Peel’s police force, the “bobbies,” began operations at Scotland Yard.
1399 – King Richard II became the first English monarch to abdicate his throne.
1895 – French chemist Louis Pasteur died.
1978 – John Paul I died one month after becoming pope.
1982 – Seven people died after taking Extra-Strength Tylenol capsules laced with cyanide. This led to the use of safety seals on most consumer products.
1988 – The space shuttle Discovery was launched, the first American staffed space flight since the Challenger disaster.
2001 – Former South Vietnam president Nguyen Van Thieu died.
Today Is: International Coffee Day, MAGS Day, Mutation Day, National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day, National Biscotti Day, VFW Day, World Heart Day
TODAY ON TV!
Primetime TV (All Times Eastern)
CBS – 8:00 – Love Island / 9:00 – Presidential Debate
NBC – 8:00 – Presidential Debate
ABC – 8:00 – 2020 / 9:00 – Presidential Debate
FOX – 8:00 – Cosmos Possible Worlds / 9:00 – Presidential Debate
CW – 8:00 – Dead Pixels / 9:00 – Tell Me A Story
TV Talk Shows
Jimmy Fallon: John Cena, BTS
Stephen Colbert: Sen. Cory Booker, Public Enemy
Seth Meyers: Sarah Silverman, Lili Reinhart, Phoebe Bridgers, Jessica Burdeaux
Lilly Singh: Brett Gelman, Rosanna Pansino (R 1/9/20)
Conan: Jason Sudeikis (R 8/31/20)
The Talk: Zachary Quinto
Live with Kelly and Ryan: Matt Bomer, Dr. Doris Day
Ellen DeGeneres: Amy Schumer
The Real: Ravi Patel, Yellopain, Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche
Kelly Clarkson: Derek Hough, Molly Sims, Jay Leno, Lawrence Zarian
Tamron Hall: Nelly
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT? Here are today’s PPM-Friendly Topics!
QUESTION: Haven’t we SUFFERED ENOUGH?? Kraft crosses the line by offering PUMPKIN SPICE MAC AND CHEESE this fall!! (At least it’s a limited edition!!)
QUESTION: WHY did she call 911??? She wanted the fire department, because: “My pu*sy’s on fire and I need them to put it out with their hose!!” Drunk? Much???
QUESTION: How much does it cost to GO POTTY IN OUTER SPACE??? NASA is about to send a $23 MILLION TOILET to the ISS!!! (Maybe its for Tom Cruise?????)
QUESTION: Are YOU picky about your SUBWAY order?? Wait’ll you see these actual orders… like toasted tuna with SPLENDA on top? Extra holes in swiss cheese??
QUESTION: Is Caitlyn Jenner about to get a NEW reality show?? She’s in talks to join the “REAL” HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS!!! (We are in the end times!)
Meghan and Harry Deny Reality Show
Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have denied that they are about to enter the world of reality TV. It was reported early Monday that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex were planning a fly-on-wall show under their new Netflix deal. However, a spokesman for the couple denies the claims in U.K. paper The Sun, which said that the couple wanted to give people a “glimpse into their lives” while highlighting some of the causes most important to them. “The Duke and Duchess are not taking part in any reality shows,” the spokesman tells PEOPLE in a statement. Some joked that the title for the show could be Meet the Markles or The Only Way Is Sussex, a take on the U.K. reality series The Only Way is Essex. They moved to California with 1-year-old son Archie in March after stepping down from their senior royal roles. They recently bought a home in Santa Barbara, about 95 miles north of L.A. Now, the couple are starting their behind-the-scenes careers in the TV industry after signing a multi-year deal with Netflix.
*****We know they denied it… we saw them do it in the promo for this week’s show!!
*****The cameras will follow them around as they deny they’re doing a reality show!!
*****Meghan said, “I know… I’m beautiful!! But pleassssse… don’t ask me to be on camera!!!”
******The real title of the show will be “The Fresh Prince of Santa Barbara!!”
UPDATE: What’s THIS?? The Daily Mail says the couple has home video footage of “Megxit,” and they pitched it to Netflix!! What’s up?
Prince Charles Wants To Downsize the Monarchy
Prince Charles is eyeing a major transformation for the monarchy in an attempt to reduce the size and make other crucial changes. According to a report by Express, he wants to strip titles off of relatives who are farther down the line of succession, including his nieces, Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie. Royal author Bob Morris commented on the same in his book, The Role of Monarchy in Modern Democracy. “Reducing the size of a royal family too far could inadvertently, or deliberately, remove an important part of its rationale and whittle away at its legitimacy?” said Morris. This particular desire of the Prince of Wales could also mean that some of the properties held by the monarchy for over centuries, will have to be sold. Prince Charles could be following in the steps of Sweden’s King Carl XVI who also stripped off royal titles from numerous members of the royal house.
*******He’s off to a good start if he wants to downsize, because he’s a mental midget!!
******No word on whether Queen Latifah can keep her title!!
******We’re glad that Prince didn’t live to see this!!
*******He’s also selling some of the Queen’s outfits!! They’re in a consignment shop!!
Gwyneth Paltrow Posts Nude Pic For Birthday
Gwyneth Paltrow shared a nude photo of herself on Instagram in honor of her 48th birthday. The pic shows her from the side, standing with her arms crossed over her breasts. “In nothing but my birthday suit today… thank you all so much for the birthday wishes and thank you to @goop’s insanely amazing brand new body butter for making me think I can still get my kit off,” Paltrow captioned Sunday’s image. Her 16-year-old daughter, Apple Martin, wrote in the comments, “THE QUEEEEEN.” See the pic HERE.
********We hate ourselves for looking!!! OK, we looked!!
********Ever notice that women usually strip naked when they need attention?? Not that we’re complaining!!
Robbery Near Taylor Swift’s House
Shots were reportedly fired outside of Taylor Swift’s downtown New York City townhouse during an armed robbery at a nearby shop on Sunday. Upon arrival, officers were informed by a witness that unidentified individuals fired shots and fled in an unknown direction. No injuries were reported. Police were able to recover shell casings. According to The New York Post, Patron of the New, a sneaker store located at 151 Franklin Street, was the subject of an armed robbery that caused the mayhem. Police told the outlet that four shots were fired in total. Although it took place across the street, there’s no indication that Swift’s property was in any way a target for the three alleged assailants, two of which were reportedly wearing blue jeans and white T-shirts and a third in blue jeans and a blue T-shirt. It’s unclear if Swift was in the home at the time.
*********It wasn’t an armed robbery!! The guy was peacefully protesting the fact that the other guy had something he wanted!!
*******For the price of the gun and the bullets, the thief could buy his OWN sneakers!!
*******Taylor was almost #1 with a bullet!!
Joaquin Phoenix Honors His Late Brother
Joaquin Phoenix and his fiancée Rooney Mara recently welcomed a son named River, Russian filmmaker Victor Kossakovsky revealed on Sunday. Kossakovsky was promoting his documentary “Gunda” at the 2020 Zurich Film Festival. Phoenix, who was the executive producer of the movie, was not in attendance. “He just got a baby, by the way, his name was … a beautiful son called River, so he cannot promote it now,” the director said during a Q&A. Phoenix and Mara paid tribute to his late older brother, actor River Phoenix, with their newborn’s name. River died in 1993 at age 23 from a drug overdose.
*********They’ve got a nursery… and a River runs through it!!!
*******How old should a child be before you tell him his father’s crazy???
Ripping The Tabloids (Throughout the week, we’ll give you the stories from that weeks tabs!)
**Please Credit Publication!
Britney & Jamie Lynn Rarin’ To Be Roomies!-(National Enquirer)
Troubled pop star Britney Spears and her little sis, Jamie Lynn, are looking for a home together. “Jamie Lynn has accepted the fact that she’ll need to help look after Britney for the rest of her life,” sources say. “Britney can afford to buy a house with separate wings. They’ll each have their privacy, but they’ll be close enough for Jamie Lyn to keep an eye on Britney.”
Reese Is a Closet Case-(Globe)
Reese Witherspoon lives in a newly renovated multimillion-dollar Nashville mansion-but it’s her closet that’s a priceless showstopper! The 44-year-old turned a massive walk-in into her own museum, curated with wardrobe treasures from her iconic gigs like “Legally Blonde” and “Walk the Line,” as well as lavish gowns and accessories she’s donned on the red carpet. “This is my dream project,” gushes the star, who had her stuff retrieved from storage for the new Netflix show she produces, called “Get Organized with The Home Edit.” “It’s a memorabilia paradise,” she proudly admits.
Loose Talk-(Us Weekly)
Tthe doctor places the swab in your nose, just deep enough to tickle your childhood memories and then it’s over.”-On getting tested for Covid-19, Ryan Reynolds.
“The reason we are such good friends is because it’s real and we go through real stuff with each other. It’s not a Hollywood fairytale.”-On her relationship with her “Charlie’s Angels” costars Cameron Dias and Lucy Liu, Drew Barrymore.
“It’s embarrassing, but you’ve gotta roll with the punches.”-On his accidental nude photo leak, Chris Evans.
Celeb Roomies! Gwyneth Paltrow & Winona Ryder-(Star)
If those walls could talk! One-time besties, Winona Ryder, 48, and Gwyneth Paltrow, 47, reportedly shared digs in the early 1990s. But their sitch is rumored to have gone south when G found Winona’s script for Shakespeare in Love. She lobbied for an audition and wound up winning an Oscar for the role! Years later, the Goop founder seemed to shade Winona, who was famously found guilty of shoplifting in 2002, when she wrote about a “frenemy” being humiliated: “My reaction was deep relief and happiness.”
Armie’s Divorce Turns Nasty-(Life & Style)
The Lone Ranger rides again! Armie Hammer wasted no time moving on from his estranged wife, Elizabeth Chambers. The 34-year-old actor has been linked to Rumer Willis and Josh Lucas’ ex Jessica Ciencin Henriquez since filing for divorce in mid-July. “Initially, Elizabeth wanted the divorce to be amicable, but she’s had a change of heart after seeing Armie flaunting his women right under her nose,” snipes a source. “It’s hit a raw nerve and she won’t let him get away with it that easily.” Heir to the Armand Hammer oil fortune, Armie has an estimated $200 million in the bank and a successful movie career, too. However, he reportedly didn’t sign a prenup before lying the knot with the TV personality, 37, in 2010. “They’ve agreed to split custody and are friendly in front of the kids [daughter Harper, 5, and son Ford, 3,]” the source says, “but behind closed doors Elizabeth is secretly fuming and out for revenge!”
Married? Emma Stone & Dave McCary-(People)
The actress, 31, and the Saturday Night Live segment director, 35, sparked wedding buzz when new photos surfaced of them wearing matching bands on their ring fingers. They got engaged in December after dating for two years.
Number of the Week-(In Touch)
594,750
-dollars the $6 plastic crown worn by the late Notorious B.I.G, in his last photo shoot sold for at auction.
STUPID NEWS
Three-Legged Bear Breaks Into Garage
A Florida resident’s home security camera captured footage of a bear that walked into an open garage and made off with a bottle of Diet Coke. The footage shows the three-legged bear fleeing from the garage in Longwood about 8:30 a.m. Monday with a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke in its mouth. Neighbors said the bear is believed to be the same animal spotted wandering the area in recent days. It was unclear whether the bear is the same three-legged bear previously spotted in Longwood in December 2019. See the video HERE.
********How many three-legged bears ARE there??
********He lost his leg in a bar fight!!
*******Just wondering: what do you do when a bear has three balls?? (Walk him and pitch to the mountain goat!)
Turkey Crashes Through Bathroom
Deputies and animal services officers in Virginia responded to a resident’s home where a turkey crashed through a window and barricaded itself inside the bathroom. Animal Services said a pair of Loudoun County Sheriff’s Office deputies responded to a local home where a resident reported hearing a window breaking followed by the sound of the apparent culprit moving through the home. “Deputies responded and found the suspect had barricaded themselves in the bathroom,” animal services officials said in a Facebook post. “The culprit in this situation was about 3 feet tall with shiny black feathers, scaly legs and a yellow beak. It was determined it would take a specialized team to extract this offender, you see, he was a wild turkey.” An animal services officer responded to the call for backup and helped the deputies get the turkey out of the house.
********He didn’t have a plan… he was winging it!!
*******His new name is “Drumstick!!!”
*******He was going after the snake in the toilet!!
NYC Subway Workers Had Hidden Man Cave
Investigators with New York’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority said a group of employees were found to have maintained an illegal “man cave” in a storage room beneath the subway tracks. The Office of the MTA Inspector General said investigators acting on an anonymous tip discovered a storage room at Grand Central Terminal contained a “man cave” outfitted with a futon, a TV with a streaming device, a refrigerator, a microwave, exercise equipment, air conditioning and more. “Many a New Yorker has fantasized about kicking back with a cold beer in a prime piece of Manhattan real estate — especially one this close to good transportation,” MTA Inspector General Carolyn Pokorny said in a statement. “But few would have the chutzpah to commandeer a secret room beneath Grand Central Terminal and make it their very own man-cave, sustained with MTA resources, and maintained at our riders’ expense.” The “man cave,” located behind a locked door in a locksmith shop storage room below Track 114 at Grand Central Terminal, was not known to station management, investigators said. Three MTA employees — a wireman, a carpenter and an electrician — have been suspended without pay in connection with the investigation, officials said.
*******If you’re a married man, you know why they did it!!
*******Finally, somebody figures out how to make New York livable, and they’re punished for it!!
*******Knowing New York, the mayor will let some homeless guys live there!!
Jump Rope Record
An Indian jump-rope athlete broke a Guinness World Record when he managed 147 skips in 30 seconds — while wearing roller skates. Zorawar Singh, 21, who holds numerous Guinness records for jump-rope feats, said he practiced up to four hours a day, 6 days a week until he had the skill and control to skip rope speedily while on skates. Singh said he used to be a discus thrower in high school, but an injury forced him to give up the sport, so he turned to jump-rope to keep physically fit. Singh’s other records include the most mamba tricks performed while skipping forwards in 30 seconds, the most reverse double under skips in 30 seconds, the most double under frogs in 30 seconds and the most skips in one minute (long rope). See the video HERE.
********We wanted to interview him, but he was feeling kinda jumpy!!
STUFF THAT’S COOL AND VIRAL
VIDEO: GUY ACTS OUT BATMAN JEOPARDY QUESTION.
VIDEO: OH DEER!!!!
A LIST FOR TUESDAY
These 7 Companies Will Pay You to Write Greeting Cards
The Penny Hoarder
- Blue Mountain Arts
Poet-artist duo Susan Polis Schutz and Stephen Schutz founded Blue Mountain Arts nearly 50 years ago. Their goal? Help people express their thoughts in, well, thoughtful ways.
Get familiar with the content by checking out the company’s Facebook page. You can find the writing guidelines on their website, too. Pay is not mentioned.
- Calypso Cards
You might have seen some of Calypso’s products in speciality stores in the U.S. or Canada. The company encompasses several brands, including Selfish Kitty.
It produces some pretty sassy material, including a personal favorite: “We’re going to celebrate your birthday in style this year. I’ve already got a box of wine chilling in the fridge.”
If you have a cheeky, dry humorous voice, comb through the other cards — maybe even give a chuckle — because Selfish Kitty is accepting submissions for all occasions.
Pay is not specified.
- Noble Works
Need a greeting card featuring Santa getting a back tat? Yeah, NobleWorks Cards has got you covered.
Even more funny? The slogan on the site reads, “Make American Greet Again.” (OK, I laughed.)
Anyway, these cards are funny, unique and risqué. You can join in and submit art, cartoons or writing.
Start by entering your information on Noble Works’ submission page. Expect to get an email outlining all of the criteria after. Pay varies, so be sure to ask.
- Oatmeal Studios
You’ve probably seen Oatmeal Studios’ cards on the shelves of popular retailers. They feature colorful cartoons paired with a silly saying.
Take, for example, a birthday card with a cartoon of a horse reading “50 Shades of Hay.” On the inside? “It’s your birthday — Horse around!” A horse with a toothy grin holds a whip.
Think you’ve got the right amount of sass? A bunch of submissions details are outlined on the site, although pay isn’t mentioned.
Rejected card ideas are, however, and include: “PUNS, GROSS IDEAS, MEAN IDEAS, LENGTHY POETRY or PROSE, NARROWLY FOCUSED IDEAS. (ie: new baby for quintuplets)”
- RSVP
This line of greeting cards, a division of Sellers Publishing, is self-described as “fresh, funny, sweet, and sugary mixed with a bit of sass & edge.”
RSVP has a card for any occasion. It might be pretty, or it might be silly. Either way, RSVP seems to really value its contributors: “We work with artists and writers all over the globe, which keeps our content fresh, varied and relevant. They are the core to the success of our card line.”
If you’re an artist, find all the information you need on this page. If you’re a writer, there’s a page for you, too.
As far as pay, it’s not specified. A representative said it varies by “industry standard.”
- Shade Tree Greetings
This greeting card company has a line of cards called “Actual Pictures.”
You guessed it — these cards feature actual pictures, submitted by you. And you don’t even have to be good at photography. The company wants your old photos — ones from the ‘40s, ‘50s, ‘60s, ‘70s or ‘80s. Photos can be black and white or color.
They’ll probably be turned into something funny, so don’t submit anything you’re super sentimentally attached to.
If your photo is accepted, you’ll receive a $100 gift card to Cool Funny Gifts along with 12 cards with your photo. (If you’re not interested in a cool or funny gift, you could always try selling the gift card.)
Find all the details to submit online.
- Viabella
These pretty cards are less crude and more sweet. They do, however, feature some of my favorite phrases, like “Shut the front door!” and “Holy Macaroni!”
Viabella accepts art and writing. Teri Desautels, the line and verse director, didn’t specify pay, but did say: “Payment can vary quite a bit depending on the submission type and number of pieces. Typically art earns more than writing; humor writing pays more than traditional writing.”
You can find all the details in the submission guidelines.
The preceding material was compiled and edited by Brandon Castillo. The Editor-In-Chief is Gary Bryan. The Radio Genius Show Prep Service is licensed for use on-air only by subscribing radio stations. Other means of redistribution is forbidden.
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