Born on this day!! Country talk show host Ralph Emery is 88. Bluegrass musician Norman Blake is 83. Actor Chuck Norris is 81. Singer Dean Torrence of Jan and Dean is 81. Actor Katharine Houghton (“Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?”) is 79. Actor Richard Gant is 77. Guitarist Tom Scholz of Boston is 74. TV personality-businesswoman Barbara Corcoran (“Shark Tank”) is 72. Actor Aloma Wright (“Scrubs”) is 71. Singer-guitarist Gary Louris of The Jayhawks is 66. Actor Shannon Tweed is 64. Actor Sharon Stone is 63. Bassist Gail Greenwood of L7 (and of Belly) is 61. Magician Lance Burton is 61. Actor Jasmine Guy is 59. Bassist Jeff Ament of Pearl Jam is 58. Music producer Rick Rubin is 58. Singer Edie Brickell is 55. Actor Stephen Mailer (“Reversal of Fortune”) is 55. Actor Philip Anthony-Rodriguez (“Grimm”) is 53. Actor Paget Brewster (“Criminal Minds”) is 52. Actor Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”) is 50. Rapper-producer Timbaland is 49. Actor Cristian de la Fuente is 47. Guitarist Jerry Horton of Papa Roach is 46. Actor Jeff Branson (“The Young and the Restless”) is 44. Singer Robin Thicke is 44. Actor Bree Turner (“Grimm”) is 44. Singer Michael Barnes of Red is 42. Actor Edi Gathegi (“Twilight” films) is 42. Bassist Matt Asti of MGMT is 41. Actor Thomas Middleditch (“Silicon Valley”) is 39. Singer Carrie Underwood is 38. Actor Olivia Wilde is 37. Singer Emeli Sande is 34. Country singer Rachel Reinert is 32. Keyboardist Jared Hampton of LANCO is 30. Actor Emily Osment (“Hannah Montana”) is 29.
THIS DAY IN GENIUS HISTORY
1629 – Charles I of England dissolves Parliament and rules alone for 11 years.
1785 – Thomas Jefferson is appointed minister to France.
1848 – Congress ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, ending the Mexican War.
1864 – U. S. Grant became commander of the Union armies during the Civil War.
1876 – The first telephone call (“Mr. Watson, come here. I want you.”) was made by Alexander Graham Bell.
1948 – The body of Jan Masaryk, Czechoslovakia’s anti-Communist foreign minister was found. Officially a suicide, the real cause of death has never been proven.
1969 – James Earl Ray was sentenced in Memphis, Tennessee, to 99 years in prison for the murder of Martin Luther King, Jr., in April 1968.
Today Is: Discover What Your Name Means Day, International Bagpipe Day, International Day of Awesomeness, Land Line Telephone Day, Mario Day, National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Registered Dietitian Day, Salvation Army Day, Sterile Packaging Day, US Paper Money Day
TODAY ON TV!
Primetime TV (All Times Eastern)
CBS – 8:00 – Tough As Nails / 9:00 – Seal Team / 10:00 – SWAT
NBC – 8:00 – Chicago Med / 9:00 – Chicago Fire / 10:00 – Chicago PD
ABC – 8:00 – The Goldbergs / 8:30 – American Housewife / 9:00 – The Conners / 9:30 – Call Your Mother / 10:00 – The Con
FOX – 8:00 – The Masked Singer / 9:00 – Game Of Talents
CW – 8:00 – Riverdale / 9:00 – Nancy Drew
TV Talk Shows
Jimmy Fallon: Norman Reedus, Mike Vecchione
Seth Meyers: Audra McDonald, Fruit Bats, John Herndon
James Corden: Trevor Noah, Grouplove
Lilly Singh: Zach King
Conan: Chris “Ludacris” Bridges
Watch What Happens Live: Dolores Catania, Heather McMahan
The Talk: Lisa Vanderpump, Jessica Long
Live with Kelly and Ryan: Kim Raver, Dr. Heather Loenser
Ellen DeGeneres: Ellen Pompeo, Niecy Nash
The Real: A day of girl chat
Kelly Clarkson: Dr. Jill Biden (R 2/25/21)
Tamron Hall: Beverly Peele, Kai Zen Bickle
Drew Barrymore: Ike Barinholtz, Luvvie Ajayi, Joy Bauer
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN’ ABOUT? Here are today’s PPM-Friendly Topics!
QUESTION: What does PETER BRADY have to do with the Meghan/Oprah show?? They were sitting in lawn chairs designed by the Brady Bunch star, NOW SOLD OUT!!
QUESTION: Has the New York Times just PISSED OFF everyone in NEW YORK CITY?? The paper says California has the best bagels!! New Yorkers say.. “WHAT???”
QUESTION: Who’s the first CASUALTY of the Meghan/Harry nuke-fest?? PIERS MORGAN, who stormed off and QUIT “Good Morning Britain” after a tense on-air fight!!!!!!!
QUESTION: Did the Oprah interview HURT THE ROYAL FAMILY? Big time!! Check out this poll from London’s Daily Mail as only 50% of Brits support the monarchy!!
QUESTION: Is the new “Space Jam” GROUND ZERO FOR THE WOKESTERS?? First Pepe Le Pew is canceled, and now LOLA RABBIT get a MAKE-UNDER!!!!
Thomas Markle Defends The Royal Family
Thomas Markle said Tuesday he does not believe the British royal family is racist after his daughter, Meghan Markle, claimed in an explosive interview that an unnamed family member had concerns over her son’s skin color, according to a report. Thomas Markle told ITV, the British network, that he has “great respect for the royal family. “I think Los Angeles is racist,” he said, according to Reuters. “California is racist, but I don’t think the Brits are.” “The thing about what color will the baby be or how dark will the baby be. I’m guessing and hoping it’s just a dumb question from somebody, you know, it could just be that simple,” Thomas Markle said. “It could be somebody asked a stupid question. Rather than being a total racist.” He added that the duchess also let him down when he was ill. The pair have a rocky relationship.
*********A “rocky relationship??” That implies that they HAVE a relationship!!
*******If California is racist, what is Alabama???
*****We know that Thomas married a black woman, but maybe HE’S racist!!!
******Now the guessing game is: who said it?? The early guess was Charles, but now the big money is on William!!!
The Palace Responds To Oprah Interview
Buckingham Palace has responded to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s revealing interview with Oprah Winfrey. “The whole family is saddened to learn the full extent of how challenging the last few years have been for Harry and Meghan,” reads the statement, which was released on Tuesday by Buckingham Palace on behalf of Queen Elizabeth. “The issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning,” the statement continued. “While some recollections may vary, they are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the family privately. “Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be much loved family members.” During the interview, which aired to more than 17 million viewers in the U.S. on Sunday and 11 million viewers in the U.K. on Monday, Meghan said she was “silenced” by the institution, adding that she was denied help when she was suffering a mental health crisis and that there were “concerns and conversations about how dark [Archie’s] skin might be when he’s born” voiced by a member of the royal family. Although they didn’t want to name the family member, Oprah said Monday morning on CBS This Morning that it was not either of Harry’s grandparents, Queen Elizabeth or Prince Philip. Harry also spoke about his relationships with his family members following their royal exit, admitting that there is work to be done with father Prince Charles and brother Prince William.
********We’re sure this interview will help!!!
******Maybe Harry and Meghan are looking for a payoff to keep their mouths shut???
*****One thing’s for sure: he burned his London Bridges!!!!
Olivia Jade Responds To Online Troll
Olivia Jade Giannulli had a response for a troll who had a sly comment about the star’s college experience. “How’s collage?” the user asked. Giannulli decided to pick on the commenter’s typo in her reply. “Thank you for asking. It’s pretty good,” she said according to Yahoo. “I actually love collaging. I’m working on this really f–king sick scrapbook that I have to show you guys soon. It’s chef’s kiss, beautiful work I’ve done.” Her mother, Lori Loughlin, was released from the Federal Correctional Institution (FCI) in Dublin, Calif. on Dec. 28. She completed a two-month sentence there for her involvement in the national college admissions scandal that exposed the rich and famous engaging in illegal schemes to cheat on standardized tests and buy their kids into some of the country’s top schools. Giannulli has attempted to return to her YouTube career when she released a video last month to the platform for the first time since the scandal broke. “This is so crazy! Welcome back to my YouTube channel,” Jade began. “I am really excited because obviously I haven’t filmed in a really long time and I’m just grateful to be back on YouTube and I’m really excited for you guys to watch this video.”
********And… she has time to work on collages!!! What a pro!!!
Disney Plus Drops More Titles
Months after flagging classic flicks over stereotypical portrayals, Disney+ has now decided to drop several of the once-loved, now-controversial titles from their kids’ menus. Per the initiative, children under 7 will be forbidden from watching “Dumbo,” “Peter Pan” “Swiss Family Robinson” and the “The Aristocats.” Settings on the app will prevent the movies from even showing up on the young viewers’ profiles. Disney explained its rationale behind each film’s removal on the kid-focused Stories Matter section of their website. They cited “Dumbo’s” (1941) infamous singing crows, which “pay homage to racist minstrel shows, where white performers with blackened faces and tattered clothing imitated and ridiculed enslaved Africans on Southern plantations.” “The leader of the group in Dumbo is Jim Crow, which shares the name of laws that enforced racial segregation in the Southern United States,” per the site. “Peter Pan,” and the “Swiss Family Robinson,” were axed, meanwhile, for their negative portrayals of native Americans and foreigners, respectively. Even “The Aristocats” — a flick about musically-inclined felines — was deemed problematic due to the Siamese cat’s “exaggerated stereotypical traits” such as “slanted eyes and buck teeth.” They added that the cat “sings in poorly accented English voiced by a white actor and plays the piano with chopsticks.” Adults will still be able to access — and thereby show their children — the taboo movies with disclaimers warning viewers of “negative depictions and/or mistreatment of people or cultures.”
******It’s a trap!! They’re waiting to see which member of the Royal Family protests!!!
*****Now we know why we’re a terrible person!! We loved “The Aristocats!!”
******Since Walt Disney was involved with these movies, HE has to be canceled!!! Instead of “Disneyland,” it’ll now be called “Land!!”
Queen’s Gambit Musical In the Works
Following the surprising success of a television drama about chess, a stage musical of “The Queen’s Gambit” is now in development. Few details are yet available, but Playbill.com reported on Monday that Level Forward, the production company behind Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” musical, had purchased the rights to Walter Tevis’s 1983 novel, from which the Netflix series was adapted. “Told through a brave and fresh point of view, audiences are already sharing in the friendship and fortitude of the story’s inspiring women who energize and sustain Beth Harmon’s journey and ultimate triumph,” said Level Forward CEO Adrienne Becker and producer Julia Dunetz in a joint statement. About 62 million people watched “The Queen’s Gambit” in its first 28 days on Netflix, according to Nielsen.
*********Wasn’t there already a musical about chess?? Oh, that’s right!! It was called “Chess!!”
*****It also had a hit song: “One Night in Bangkok!!” (true)
You Can Be Harry and Meghan’s Neighbor!
A Montecito, California, mansion located right next door to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle is up for sale for a whopping $22.5 million. The seven-bedroom, 13-bathroom estate was first listed on Jan. 19. It was on the market for 47 days before someone placed an offer on Saturday, but backup offers are currently being accepted. Spanning a massive 16,668 square feet, the property sits on 5.56 acres of land. The mansion could find a spike in interest in the wake of Harry and Meghan’s blockbuster interview Sunday with Oprah Winfrey, who also happens to be a neighbor. Like Harry and Meghan’s pad, the nearby property boasts ocean and mountain views and is surrounded by lush lawns, citrus trees, verdant gardens, creeks and bridges.
*********Meghan will buy it, so she has somewhere to put her clothes!!
*********The house is owned by Rob Lowe, according to reports!!
********If you buy the house, do NOT engage in a conversation with Meghan. If you see her, do NOT look her in the eye!!!
*****If you move in and Oprah doesn’t like you, she’ll send Stedman over the burn you out!!
Ripping The Tabloids (Throughout the week, we’ll give you the stories from that weeks tabs!)
**Please Credit Publication!
Rose Goes South To “Heal” in Jungle-(National Enquirer)
Outspoken actress Rose McGowan is living a charmed life in Mexico-the Harvey Weinstein accuser has headed south of the border and vows never to return to the United States! “I just got my permanent residency card from Mexico, and I’m so grateful to have it,” gushed the 47-year-old actress. “This is a really healing land here, and it is truly magical.” Rose was one of the first public accusers of the disgraced movie mogul, claiming he sexually assaulted her in 1997, which he denied. She reportedly received a $100,000 settlement from Weinstein, but insists she was then blacklisted in Hollywood. In 2020, Weinstein, 68, was sentenced to 23 years in the slammer on rape and sex assault charges involving three women. Rose claimed on social media during the past four years she suffered a “nervous breakdown.” Rose says “Healing here in the jungle, and it’s a great feeling.”
Paris Says Yes To More Millions-(Globe)
First comes bling, then comes Paris Hilton, newly engaged to Carter Reum, 40, who proposed on the day of the heiress’ 40th birthday! The stinking rich groom, a venture capitalist, gave the former Simple Life star a massive one-of-a-kind $2 million-plus engagement ring, on bended knee no less! Not sure if she said “That’s hot,” but Paris naturally said “yes” to her fourth engagement and promptly posted picture-perfect snaps of the seemingly choreographed, well-documented proposal. “My love went above and beyond in every way,” gushes the blushing bride-to-be, who, in typical fashion, donned sunglasses and a sparkly tiara! She then directed fans to help her celebrate by visiting her website. So romantic!
Totally Smitten-(Us Weekly)
Lucy Hale, 31, has found herself in a pretty little romance with Skeet Ulrich, 51! “They’ve been dating for just over a month now,” a source says of the pair, who were spied locking lips in L.A. on Feb. 21. Even though there is an age gap, “it doesn’t bother them. They’ve fallen hard for each other.”
Drew Barrymore: Psych-Ward Survivor-(Star)
In a revealing interview, the former child star opens up about her dark past. Little girl lost, indeed. Thirty years after she detailed her descent into addiction in her first memoir, Drew Barrymore revealed even
more chilling details of her troubled teen years-including an extended stint in a psych ward at 13-in a recent interview, “I was in a place for a year and a half called Van Nuys Psychiatric,” the talk-show host says on Feb. 22. “And you couldn’t mess around there. If you did, you’d get thrown either in the padded room or get put in stretcher restraints and tied up.” The divorced mom of Olive, 8, and Frankie, 6, admitted she was “so angry” as a teen.
Say What?!-(Life & Style)
“For me, it’s just important to keep changing. I go crazy if I don’t change. This current hair color is the longest I’ve had any hair color since I was like 9 years old.”-Billie Eilish, who adopted the green roots look in 2019.
“He was giving me a kiss in this scene pre-COVID and his snot fell onto my face and I made a joke about it and….Paul was genuinely mad at me.”-Elizabeth Olsen on Wandavision co-star Paul Bettany.
“People in the house were like, ‘You’ve got a lot of strengths. I don’t know if cooking is one of them…..’”-Jenna Dewan, on falling short in the kitchen with her Quaranteam.
“I love my kids but they’re like dogs, they can sniff you out. They know what room you’re hiding in. You can’t get away from them.”-Mila Kunis, who is mom to Wyatt, 6, and Dimitri, 4.
“I wish I could code!”-Serena Williams, on the talent she’d most like to have.
Liam Hemsworth & Gabriella Brooks: Going Strong-(People)
The Hunger Games alum 31, and the 24-year-old model enjoyed a beach day in his native Australia on Feb. 23. The couple-who began dating in December 2019-shared a sweet embrace while walking their dogs.
Opposites Attract of the Week-(In Touch)
Shailene Woodley
“I never thought I’d be engaged to somebody who threw balls for a living.”
-on her fiancé, Aaron Rodgers.
STUPID NEWS
Goose Crashes Spring Training
A Canada goose stole the show during a spring training game in Arizona when the bird refused to give up its position in center field. The Cactus League game between the Chicago Cubs and the Arizona Diamondbacks in Scottsdale on Sunday saw a Canada goose take up position in center field and refuse to budge, causing distractions for both teams. The game went forward with the goose standing on the field. The cameras recording the game captured the moment the goose was involved in an altercation with a second goose, leading to a mid-air beak attack that left one of the birds with a mouthful of feathers. See the video HERE.
*********Even the animals are going nutz!!!!
********By the way, geese are some of the meanest animals!!!!
*******We think the bird was a spy for the Houston Astros!!
Chinese Zoo Calls A Dog A Wolf!
A Chinese zoo’s wolf enclosure is gaining attention online after a visitor captured video of a domesticated dog in the enclosure labeled for its wild canine cousins.\ A video posted to Chinese social media by a visitor to the Xiangwushan Zoo in Xianning, Hubei province, shows the dog, which appears to be a rottweiler, resting in a cage labeled as the wolf exhibit. The filmer said a zoo employee told him there used to be a wolf in the cage, but it died of old age. An official with Forestry Bureau Office of Xianning City said the zoo told authorities the dog was being temporarily housed in the wolf enclosure to prevent people from trying to sneak into the zoo by scaling the wall into the habitat. The official said the zoo has now been asked to remove signs from the enclosure that identify its inhabitant as a wolf.
********Can’t they disguise the Rottweiler as a wolf??
*****Just dye his hair grey and put blue contact lenses in!!!
Get Paid To Play Cornhole
A lawn care company is seeking an outdoor gaming enthusiast to make $1,000 by playing cornhole, a game involving tossing small bags of corn into holes in a board. MyTruGreenLawn, an online retailer for TruGreen lawn care, said it is seeking someone to play cornhole on five separate days and complete a worksheet for each experience. “Do you need more reasons to get outside? Looking for ways to have fun while socially distancing? Want something to do that’s good for all ages? If you are, then we have the job for you. We’re paying someone $1,000 to play cornhole,” the posting dates. The posting states the candidate will need to have access to their own cornhole equipment — boards with holes and small canvas bags of corn kernels for throwing. Applications are being accepted on the company’s website through April 2 and the winner is scheduled to be announced April 7th.
********Prince Charles’ wife Camilla is the Duchess of Cornhole!! (Or was that Cornwall??)
*******They play a lot of cornhole in Hollywood!!!
Cats Rescued By The Thai Navy
Four cats left aboard a sinking ship are being cared for after sailors from the Royal Thai Navy saved them in a dramatic rescue at sea this week. The country’s navy and coast guard responded to the site of the sinking fishing boat Tuesday off the coast of the Satun Province at the southern end of Thailand, according to the Royal Thai Navy. Eight crew members, three Thai and five from Myanmar, had already been rescued. The navy sailors were investigating the cause of the sinking and looking for any oil spill when they noticed the cats were still aboard the sinking vessel, which was then vertical in the water and nearly totally submerged after it had capsized. “I used my camera to zoom in to the boat, and I saw one or two cats popping their heads out,” First-Class Petty Officer Wichit Pukdeelon told Reuters. Photos the Royal Thai Navy shared on Facebook show the cats huddled together, looking wet and frightened. More photos show one of the sailors wearing a life vest and swimming out to retrieve the cats, giving the animals a ride to safety as they clung onto his shoulders. Other sailors pulled a rope to help him carry the cats aboard their ship. The navy’s Facebook posts about the rescue garnered more than 15,000 “likes” and thousands of comments praising the sailors’ actions. See the photos HERE.
*******Those animals needed a “cat-a-maran!!” Thank you…
STUFF THAT’S COOL AND VIRAL
VIDEO: WORKING OUT WITH GOATS!
VIDEO: CAR SLAMS INTO BACK OF SEMI-TRUCK.
A LIST FOR WEDNESDAY
7 Ways We Take Our Stress Out On Other People Besides Anger
Huffington Post
- You shut down and self-isolate.
This is a common coping technique for people who feel sensitive to their environment and others, and feel they can best regulate their emotions when they’re by themselves. You might go off the grid because you perceive your relationships with others add more stress to your life, or that you add stress to others’ lives.
“The idea of interacting with others adds stress, either because there’s internal pressure to attend to others, to be there for them, or external pressure to be vulnerable and honest, to reveal what you consider to be weaknesses,” said Yasmine Saad, licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Madison Park Psychological Services in New York City.
It’s different than “me time,” where you decompress solo and venture back out into the world once you’ve gotten some rest. It’s a deliberate avoidance of other people and conversations about whatever it is that’s stressing you out.
The people in your life might get worried and wonder if they did something wrong or are a part of the problem. Depriving them of the opportunity to be there for you might make them feel helpless and frustrated, and can lead to increased tension in your relationships.
The fix: “People who need to isolate themselves need to find a way to regulate themselves,” Saad said. Try creating time and space throughout the day when you’re by yourself, or schedule mini-retreats into your week so you don’t need extended breaks that cut you off from the people who care about you.
- You specialize in one-sided venting sessions.
Sometimes it feels good to get it all out, especially if you leave the conversation feeling heard and understood. “Not only can venting help us feel less alone in our problems, but it can even help us process our feelings as we’re narrating them to someone we trust,” said Amanda Darnley, Philadelphia-based licensed psychologist and owner of Chrysocolla Counseling.
However, calling up a friend, immediately launching into your problems and ending the convo without returning the favor can be emotionally taxing for the other person.
“The person you’re venting to is holding space for your feelings, which are likely intense and some of the tougher ones to experience, like anxiety and anger,” Darnley said. “Doing this repeatedly could leave that person feeling drained —especially if it’s consistently one-sided.”
The fix: Get into the habit of respecting other people’s emotional boundaries. When you call a friend, give them a heads up that you need to vent and check first to see if they’ve got the time and energy for it in that moment.
Make sure the conversation is balanced — not just in both of you having an opportunity to let off steam, but in the convo being as much about venting as solutions. This will help prevent venting about the same situations incessantly and keep you both from getting stuck.
Also, thank your loved one for listening and allowing you to vent. “Make sure they feel appreciated,” Darnley said. “And if you don’t have time to ask how they’re doing during your discussion, schedule a time to circle back with them before you end the conversation.”
- You heavily rely on your safe person.
People typically rely too heavily on one person because the alternative — relying on other people — creates anxiety. This “safe” person can be a spouse, friend, parent, sibling, friend ― any loved one who you lean on regularly.
“By relying on a person other than our safe person, we risk being criticized, turned down, or not getting the advice we want,” Saad said. “Fear of a negative outcome, taking risks and the unknown also contribute to this behavior.”
Your safe person may feel stressed out by the pressure of helping you, guilty when they don’t respond to your outreach, and frustrated by your behavior. They may absorb the stress of your reliance on them or feel powerless to improve your dynamic.
Over time, this coping strategy may create lasting damage to your relationship—and your safe person’s mental health.
The fix: “To avoid foisting stress onto the rock in your life, it’s important to establish a variety of support systems,” Manly said. “This may include creating additional safe friendships, journaling about your stress, finding a creative outlet, or turning to an online support group.”
- You turn into a problem-solving bot.
When you feel like you’re at capacity, you might also feel as if you don’t have the bandwidth to offer emotional support to others. This can translate into your loved ones coming to you with how they’re feeling, and you offering solutions and suggestions, rather than really hearing them out. Your own stress essentially blocks the capacity to be present for how they feel or what they’re communicating.
“One of the foundations of strong and close relationships is emotional support,” Gerardi said. “If we don’t have the capacity to support others emotionally, the relationship can become strained and the person in our life might see us as unsupportive or feel like we don’t get it.”
The fix: Create rules for yourself, like making two statements focused on emotion (think: “That sucks” or “I feel you”) before any problem-solving.
“This sort of rule encourages us to zoom in on what the other person is communicating to us about how they feel,” Gerardi said. “It also reduces the impulsive habit of over-relying on problem-solving mode.”
Another rule might be that you need to ask if the person wants help with problem-solving first: “In general, people are more open to problem-solving when they consent to it, not when it’s forced on them,” Gerardi added.
- You pretend to be fine.
Closeness requires vulnerability. If you’re pretending to be fine when you’re not, you’re sending a message to the people that care about you that you don’t trust them with your feelings or it’s not OK to be stressed or hurting.
Typically, negative or distorted beliefs about emotional vulnerability are at the core of this particular reaction to stress. It can leave your loved ones feeling confused about how to properly be there for you and potentially foolish when they make the attempt.
“If they detect the pretense, they might not know what to respond to—the real affect or the pretend one,” Saad said. “They might try to address your real emotions, but likely won’t succeed because you prefer to hide them.”
This might lead them to think twice about coming to you the next time they need help, or feel bad about needing help when they do.
The fix: Not wanting to be viewed as weak or incompetent for struggling and not wanting to burden others with our problems are just some of the ways our judgmental thoughts might lead us to hide how we’re really feeling or doing.
“Just because you’re thinking it doesn’t mean it’s true,” Darnley said. “It might help to check in with people that are close to you to see if they feel burdened when you’re honest about your feelings or ask for help.” Having other people reassure you that they appreciate the chance to help may weaken that judgement when it pops up.
If you’re still uncomfortable despite their reassurances, start with asking for small favors (such as having a friend pick something up for you at the store) or talking about small things that are bothering you (your inability to hang a straight picture), and slowly condition yourself to feel comfortable with letting people in.
- You dump your problems onto other people.
Some people cope with stress by running away from the stress-inducing situation, which often results in leaving burdens in another person’s lap.
When you perceive yourself as not well-equipped to deal with stress and another person to be well-equipped, you might drop your problems on them as a way to not feel helpless and powerless, Saad said.
You might pull this off by venting your problems to someone else and asking them to solve them or find a solution for you, or act so distressed by your problems that the other person feels compelled to help, which leaves you feeling relieved.
Either way, “the dumped-on person may feel angry, overwhelmed, stressed and disappointed by the dumper’s habitual lack of responsibility,” Manly said.
The fix: Once a problem feels too large, a problem-dumper is likely to feel so stressed and overwhelmed that running seems to be the only choice. “Changing these dynamics involves learning to deal with foundational issues, such as procrastination and avoidance of personal responsibility,” Manly said.
This might involve making changes to the dynamics of your day so the anxiety doesn’t have an opportunity to fester — getting up earlier so there’s more breathing room between tasks, creating detailed schedules that break tasks down into tiny, non-overwhelming steps, and creating short- and long-term goals that specifically tackle your penchant for avoidance can all be powerful go-to tools.
And each time you solve a problem on your own or reach one of your goals, take the time to celebrate. Savoring the feel-good chemicals your brain releases can encourage you to keep up the good work.
- You say yes to helping someone, then act resentful about it.
People-pleasers typically strive to reduce their fear of displeasing others by taking on too much. “Although this strategy works temporarily to reduce the anxiety of saying no, long-term damage results due to an upwelling in feelings of stress, resentment and overwhelm,” Manly said.
This might look like agreeing to help your co-worker with a project when you’re already overextended, then responding with an undertone of irritation or exasperation when they want to talk about your portion, or offering an assist to a friend, only to act miserable the entire time you’re assisting them.
“If you’re feeling resentful about your commitments, you likely didn’t give yourself enough space to really consider why you were saying yes in the first place and whether you had the time and energy to follow through,” Darnley said.
Holding onto these resentments for agreeing to help is just as unfair to the people in your life as it is to yourself. You’re sending mixed messages to the other person, who might be left feeling hurt by the way you’re acting.
The fix: Get into the habit of pausing before agreeing to someone’s request. A simple “let me get back to you” can offer up the space necessary for you to make an informed decision — and if you’re prone to feeling guilty when you say no, it can help you craft a thoughtful way to do it.
“Honor how you feel rather than how you should behave,” Saad said. If it turns out you don’t have the bandwidth to help right now, let them know your earliest availability.
If you’re booked solid, not interested in helping or don’t feel you’re the best person to help, offering up suggestions of other people who might be a better fit or other strategies for solving the problem can make you feel as if you’re setting a boundary while also not leaving your loved one in the lurch.
The preceding material was compiled and edited by Brandon Castillo. The Editor-In-Chief is Gary Bryan. The Radio Genius Show Prep Service is licensed for use on-air only by subscribing radio stations. Other means of redistribution is forbidden.
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